About a boy who could not feel happiness

Once upon a time, there was a boy who could not feel happiness when other people were joyful. He always responded with a minimizing commentary or disapproving face. He saw others smiling, chatting, playing and appreciating a warm cup of tea and a free biscuit on a table but he could not reciprocate. with a smile. His eyes were always stern, lip corners dropped, body posture irritated. ‘How can they be so happy?’ he was wondering all the time. ‘How can they be so happy when so little is done?’

He was very puzzled but fortunately quite capable of self-reflection too.

‘Am I envious of joy?’ He thought to himself appealing to his inner wisdom but could not satisfy himself with an honest answer.

Tired from his own thoughts and worries, he went to a nearby park where an elderly lady was sitting on a bench feeding birds with seeds. She was smiling and talking to the birds. She was happy. The boy got irritated again. ‘How can she be happy just like that? Feeding birds?’ And then he got curious as he recognized the feeling. ‘Miss, could I feed the birds with you?’ he asked.

‘Of course.’ She answered passing him a bag of seeds. He started smiling but then as soon as he felt his own smile he got irritated with himself for smiling.

‘Miss, why am I angry with myself for smiling.’

‘I think it is something to do with your inner mirrors. It is because of your adult inner mirrors.’

‘Are they broken?’

‘Did you notice?’

Story and photography: Alicja Pyszka-Franceschini, 2025. Copying without the explicit permission from the author is not permitted.

When ego bursts…

(...)
When ego bursts
It makes space
For the other...

Alicja Pyszka-Franceschini, Autumn 2024

From the anthology On Immaturity (not yet published) by Alicja Pyszka-Franceschini
Photograph: Alicja Pyszka-Franceschini, Ambergate, The Birches, Derbyshire, UK

on unresolved grief

'I cannot hear you anymore.'
'Is that a bad thing?'
'I think so.'
'What can you feel instead?'
'Stomach pain.'
'What does it say?'
'That I miss you.'
'You are so sweet.'
'No. Very bitter in fact.'

~ Alicja Pyszka-Franceschini

Initiate growth inside your family

These very first years of family life are full of challenges and negotiations that once resolved are actually incredibly satisfying. I like to think of a family as a unit in a state of growth. So when we hibernate for too long, we ask ourselves which of the spheres of life we have recently or over time neglected. In fact, I like to do this very easy exercise in which next to a life sphere we discuss ideas on how to improve it. It is a very simple exercise that, if you wish to do it for your own family, is best done individually for each member and then together as a whole.

Life Sphere:

Spiritual – effort to make time for meditation, reflection, prayer, quiet space in our busy lives

Humane – effort to make time for helping others outside the family and each other within the family

Emotional – effort to make time for cultivating positive emotions (love, kindness, compassion) and working through the negative ones, scheduling activities that bring about positive emotions

Physical – effort to make time for sport, rest, affection, cooking nutritious food, looking after our bodies

Intellectual – effort to make time for cultural activities (book, cinema, theatre) and stretching our minds, problem-solving activities, formal or informal study

Social – effort to make time for socializing, family-and-community gatherings, family conversation, celebrating, events in your own city, etc.

Environmental – effort to make time for engaging with nature, improving our homes or local areas, repairing the house, making our immediate environment pleasant

When it comes to family growth and well-being I have got one belief: every effort that you’ll make in the space of one year will deliver its shoots the next and if cultivated it will fully blossom in years to come. Do not get dissuaded or discouraged by the instant gratification culture, everything that is worth doing, is worth doing even if the fruit will show later in life.

Have a lovely family life!

This exercise has been inspired by the exercises promoted within Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology. If you’d like to learn more about it, you may like to read: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Teach Yourself (2012) by Christine Wilding or any other book or introduction to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

Peace is Needed for Renewal, Peace is Needed for Change

As much as I see situations when I would agree with the title of this post, I wouldn’t say that this is what I experience when I am in the process of creating something. I am often troubled and pressured by a guard in my head telling me that I am too slow, too quick, or that I really should be doing something else, and of course that there is a better, simpler, easier or a more sophisticated way of doing whatever I am doing. This internal judge can speak quite loudly, boldly discrediting or shaming whatever project I am working on. The voice is especially powerful at the end of the year when I am trying to catch up on some often self- or socially-imposed agreements.

This voice is a fairly competent time thief. Because really whatever I am doing I love doing and whatever project I dive into answers a craving of my heart and soul in some way, or answers some needs that the season and family life creates.

Life is too short to take yourself too seriously (yes Rachel, you’ve told me that). Too short to focus only on one piece of a jigsaw puzzle. One piece never builds a view. It never gives you a sense of completeness. Life is made of many pieces, many wonderful pieces that complete and complement one another.

I wish we were more forgiving towards ourselves. Less judgmental. More understanding. We are all trying as much as we can in the areas we find ourselves in. There is no need for additional pressures (external or internal) on top of those that are already present.

It doesn’t matter if we are quick or slow. If we do things in this manner or another way. If we make occasional mistakes. If we don’t do things as well as someone else. The important thing is that we have the willingness to do things, that we have the willingness to renew, change or just carry on. The willingness is often enough to move us forward and it is this willingness that I am today grateful for. The need to persevere.