Tag: personal growth

To make the ground firmer

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A while ago I travelled to my little village in Poland, to the place where I grew up. Going back to Poland used to mean refreshing my old dreams, things that as a child I promised myself I would do in life; it meant checking up on those aspirations that in my teenage years I drafted for myself, it meant going through some sort of evaluation process that I usually didn’t score that well against or getting a reminder of where I was meant to be going.

The last visit was different. I didn’t hear the voice of my old self – that voice has nothing to say. It was as if I’ve eventually become the person who I always wanted to be or maybe I’ve eventually become happy with who I am and what I am doing. It was as if I’ve pleased my old self and now it’s chapter two… not yet written.

So it’s time for a big move and other life-changing experiences, I thought to myself. It’s natural to crave for them and I do see that many of my close friends are getting ready for those moves so I quite naturally wonder if those changes are also for me. Would I like to move from where I live and from what I am doing here in our little town in the middle of the UK and would I like to start building our family life elsewhere? After a long internal conversation, self-questioning and heart-checking I’ve decided I don’t, at least not now. My heart does not crave for a new-starter-sort-of-change. I think I am passed that step. I am really longing for deeper community, for closer friendships, for stronger engagement in the life of my town and my neighbourhood. I want to be more involved in what’s happening at my son’s nursery and other places that we visit and go to. I think I want laughter and jokes and stories and food eaten and cooked together. I think I want to build bonds and be more present in the life of others. I see many opportunities for my family here. There are many friendly people and many friendly spaces in the Midlands, I just need to learn to drive to them…

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To allow a change to happen

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Education in its all forms, studying, teaching and researching, has always been a big part of my life. Irrespective what was happening, commitment to knowledge was guiding my choices, preventing me from making wrong decisions or coming to the rescue when I already made a bad one. I’ve never tried taking my eyes off books for too long – I felt uneasy if I did that – until now.

I am taking a break from the research I’ve recently been engaged in. It was a tough decision to make because what led to it were many years of hard work and determined dreaming, hundreds of sleepless nights and countless hours of learning how to gather evidence and how to express ideas (I’m still at it, by the way). Just when the library books started filling my shelves and my notebooks thickened with ink and photocopies, just when I (perhaps too proudly) started thinking of myself as a researcher, my body decided to rebel. So I’ve stopped… to allow a change to happen, to allow myself to heal and recover, to regenerate. While this is happening, I am rediscovering my days and am for the first time in my life seriously attentive to how to look after myself. I’ve never been terribly good at it but I notice that with self-care comes a better understanding of how to look after others and obviously the strength to care for them too.

It’s ironic how life works sometimes. At the very beginning of this year I wanted to make the subject of care one of the dominant themes on this blog. I didn’t think then that I would be writing about myself. Luckily, it’s summer and with it come many opportunities for entertaining healthy living: fresh fruit and vegetables are easily within reach, the sun is omnipresent and its rays keep sneaking through to us even when we try to escape them, the garden invites us irresistibly, and friends and family give us excuses to travel. Regeneration away from our usual four walls, away from our heaps of unsorted paper and endless to do lists is what makes the biggest difference. It allows us to stock up on good energy and boy do we need that. The summer doesn’t last forever and before we know it, it is … I won’t say it. I’ll let the summer linger a little longer..

‘Bene così ‘. – It’s good like this.

Alex Britti. Bene così . Song.

“There is no secret to success except hard work and getting something indefinable which we call ‘the breaks.”

~ Countee Cullen

 

Busy calendars are not so bad really

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A lot is happening in our family life recently – so much so that I find myself having to sit at the table more often than usually in order to plan. And this planning is no longer only for a week or two and no longer for work only – I am trying to organise our next three months. A few travels before us, some family events, some house maintenance to do, deadlines to meet, projects to complete, routines to carry out and ideas to capture. So I am sitting in front of our calendar today and am making lists of all those things to do and the things to remember about and I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by our commitments. But I am hopeful and positive as most of the things and events are of positive nature and I think that ultimately it will give us a lot of joy to attend to them.

So many of the events and commitments in our lives are of such character… they are supposed to enrich and fulfil us in some manner… bring us joy, pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, dignity… there’s always a bigger and brighter purpose behind things… behind things even as ordinary as ironing… because it’s not about the chore really… but about carrying your human self with dignity, respect and grace… Isn’t it?

And so I’m thinking today that I don’t want to complain about too many things to do anymore… because actually there is something bigger than me and bigger than my tired body and busy mind behind most of them… there are family ties behind them, there’s health and well-being of my husband and son, there is a community of determined and caring people, and there is love and knowledge and growth of me and many. There is a strong purpose behind most things in my calendar and I am very happy that I can make these plans and hopefully carry them out in the coming months.

Calendars are those funny things that are not really what they appear to be… they make a pretense of being packed with duties but in fact they chock-full of strong and serious meanings…

No wonder we like to fill them up so much…

A story that motivates

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We all have them, don’t we? Those motivational stories that keep us going when we struggle, when it’s tough. I’ve got a story like that too… a story that I’ve heard being repeated many times by different people in different media and in various places. You might know it too. This video tells the tale better than I can so here it is: A tale of two frogs.

What’s the story that motivates you? Do you want to share?

Not sure if I can give this one up…

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The nothing new challenge which I embraced this year is asking for a sacrifice… a healthy one though… I will need to stretch…. and I am being literal here… because I need to start exercising more as otherwise I may end up not having anything to wear when the weather gets warmer and when I travel to the beautiful and warm island of Cyprus at the end of this month to visit my friend’s family. This is not going to be easy as I am one of those people who is more inclined to choose a book over a stretch. So quite a change is required from me in this department. And… there is this other weakness… cakes… I just really like baking them… and eating them too, of course. :) Do I really need to give them up? Is it not possible to lose weight and have a slice or two (or three ;)) of cake on Sunday? Sunday cakes – oh, this is something so ingrained in my Polish culture. This is what my family gathers for around 4 o’clock in the afternoon every Sunday – the 3C’s: cake, coffee, conversation. Giving up cakes is like giving up childhood for me… unimaginable. Is it the same for you? Is it easy for you to resist sugar?

This week I’ll be posting a recipe for a very easy poppy seed cake. Watch the space if you are a fan of baking. Sorry if you’ve just decided to give up sugar for Lent, you see, it’s time for you to learn that temptations are everywhere even in blogosphere ;)

Below is a photo of my first attempt at making cheesecake. It was nice but even for such a cake lover as me a bit too rich.

Cheese cake