To make the ground firmer

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A while ago I travelled to my little village in Poland, to the place where I grew up. Going back to Poland used to mean refreshing my old dreams, things that as a child I promised myself I would do in life; it meant checking up on those aspirations that in my teenage years I drafted for myself, it meant going through some sort of evaluation process that I usually didn’t score that well against or getting a reminder of where I was meant to be going.

The last visit was different. I didn’t hear the voice of my old self – that voice has nothing to say. It was as if I’ve eventually become the person who I always wanted to be or maybe I’ve eventually become happy with who I am and what I am doing. It was as if I’ve pleased my old self and now it’s chapter two… not yet written.

So it’s time for a big move and other life-changing experiences, I thought to myself. It’s natural to crave for them and I do see that many of my close friends are getting ready for those moves so I quite naturally wonder if those changes are also for me. Would I like to move from where I live and from what I am doing here in our little town in the middle of the UK and would I like to start building our family life elsewhere? After a long internal conversation, self-questioning and heart-checking I’ve decided I don’t, at least not now. My heart does not crave for a new-starter-sort-of-change. I think I am passed that step. I am really longing for deeper community, for closer friendships, for stronger engagement in the life of my town and my neighbourhood. I want to be more involved in what’s happening at my son’s nursery and other places that we visit and go to. I think I want laughter and jokes and stories and food eaten and cooked together. I think I want to build bonds and be more present in the life of others. I see many opportunities for my family here. There are many friendly people and many friendly spaces in the Midlands, I just need to learn to drive to them…

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7 thoughts on “To make the ground firmer

  1. Where in Poland? I’ve visited Ustka, Gdansk, Warsaw, Malbork, Gdniya, Torun, Poznan (I think), Slupsk, and a place or two I’ve forgotten. It’s a very pretty country.

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  2. I hear you! For years when I went back home I woul see all the things I could have done or could have been doing. I was absolutely unsatisfied with my lot in life. And then we moved to the UK and Started our family. I am sure when I go back in a few weeks I will only feel satisfaction. I’m finally at peace with myself and my life!

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  3. Your town sounds so lovely, so quaint. I am happy you are choosing to really enjoy and dive into your life there. It seems to forever be that internal wresting within ourselves of what is the right thing to do, for ourselves, for our children. Looking forward to seeing where your journey leads you!

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