Tag: Motherhood

Initiate growth inside your family

flowers

These very first years of family life are full of challenges and negotiations that once resolved are actually incredibly satisfying. I like to think of a family as a unit in a state of growth. So when we hibernate for too long, we ask ourselves which of the spheres of life we have recently or over time neglected. In fact, I like to do this very easy exercise in which next to a life sphere we discuss ideas on how to improve it. It is a very simple exercise that, if you wish to do it for your own family, is best done individually for each member and then together as a whole.

Life Sphere:

Spiritual  – effort to make time for meditation, reflection, prayer, quiet space in our busy liveflowers2s

Humane  – effort to make time for helping others outside the family and each other within the family

Emotional – effort to make time for cultivating positive emotions (love, kindness, compassion) and working through the negative ones, scheduling activities that bring about positive emotions

Physical – effort to make time for sport, rest, affection, cooking nutritious food, looking after our bodies

Intellectual – effort to make time for cultural activities (book, cinema, theatre) and stretching our minds, problem-solving activities, formal or informal study

Social – effort to make time for socializing, family-and-community gatherings, family conversation, celebrating, events in your own city, etc.

Environmental – effort to make time for engaging with nature, improving our homes or local areas, repairing the house, making our immediate environment pleasant

When it comes to family growth and well-being I have got one belief: every effort that you’ll make in the space of one year will deliver its shoots the next and if cultivated it will fully blossom in years to come. Do not get dissuaded or discouraged by the instant gratification culture, everything that is worth doing, is worth doing even if the fruit will show later in life.

Have a lovely family life!

This exercise has been inspired by the exercises promoted within Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology. If you’d like to learn more about it, you may like to read: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Teach Yourself (2012) by Christine Wilding or any other book or introduction to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

Parenting with (Self)Care: Guides and Links To Resources on Postnatal Health, Wellbeing and Nutrition

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Nutrition and postnatal health are the topics that I have, over the last two years, become very interested in. In nutrition because I want my husband and son to be healthy; in postnatal health because I want to be able to enjoy these challenging early years of motherhood. I’ve been reading a lot around those subjects but also attending meetings and events in my town that addressed those topics. I am one of these people that need to be reminded and frequently directed on to the right path if I want good habits to settle in.

Here’s a list of resources that helped me…

The essential guide to foods that heal, Olivier, Suzannah [ISBN: 978-0716023272]. It is actually unbelievable how many ailments can be healed or exacerbated by the food that we eat. This guide is clear, well-written and packed with information. It’s a spring of knowledge that is really worth drinking from.

The 10 Secrets of 100% healthy people, Holford, Patrick [ISBN: 978-0749929114]. Don’t be dissuaded by the strange formulaic title. This book to me seems like a good piece of research, with surveys for you to fill in to provide health signposts. This book has helped me identify what I should focus on in my recovery. It’s not strictly about postnatal health and has wider relevance. I like this book and would easily spend a week reading it again.

Postnatal depletion even 10 years later. This is a title of an article that I have found online (Click on the title to be redirected to the site). It really explains clearly how depleted women can be in the first years of mothering. It’s a very informative and essential read.

Other sources to keep an eye on:

Mothermorphosis – The author, Dr Oscar Serrallach, who writes about postnatal depletion is about to publish a book on the subject. I have looked at its brief and have put my email on the list to be informed of its release.

Nutrition and Wellbeing – Have you heard about FutureLearn? It’s a platform that offers free courses online prepared by British universities. I have just signed up to a course on Nutrition and Wellbeing that will start running in Aug 17. The course promises to “Demystify the complex and conflicting messages we hear about diet, health and lifestyle today” and is run by University of Aberdeen. Here’s the link to the course.

The resources above provided practical knowledge to me and were great change triggers. If you decided to look at any of them or to participate in the course, I hope that you’ll find all the info that you need to increase the quality of your family life.

The spiritual dimension of childhood

in a church

We talk a lot about how to best bring up our children. We talk a lot about their diet, about their clothes, schooling, meaningful playtime and sleep patterns. We are continuously preoccupied with their self-esteem and skills development but we hardly ever address their spiritual side, hardly ever ask questions about it. I sometimes feel that it is almost a taboo to talk about spirituality for the fear of being recognised as a potential or practicing believer.

I am a practicing believer. I go to church. Once it was part of my cultural practice and upbringing (being brought up in a Catholic family with Catholic values), now it is my choice. I don’t feel constrained by my religion, I feel guided in some manner but not constrained. In fact I am often plagued with doubt but a few years ago a solid seed has been planted in me and now there is a tree growing there, a very healthy tree that supports my core and blossoms with my regular visits before God.

I belong to a gentle and a very balanced community built from people from all over the world: Europe, India, Nigeria, Brazil and the States, to name just a few. We are all there sitting in one church, connected before God, equal before God. It is a very powerful sensation. It is a very powerful understanding. I take my son to church and I think he sees what I am seeing. He sees and breathes this so powerful a statement of equality – for him there is no other world, no other world than the multicultural one, no other than the equal one.

I have got friends of all religions and persuasions, in fact my best friends are of different persuasions to mine but it does not prevent us valuing each other’s friendship or having deep conversations on the topics related to believing, disbelieving and non-believing. Our ability to develop different views and feelings related to the metaphysical is what makes us so wonderfully multidimensional. I want my son to be able to position himself towards the metaphysical with as much knowledge and experience as he can get himself, and as much understanding as I can offer him and so I take him to church (I know that there are other ways, but that is mine). Someone told me once that they stopped attending church because church should be for the people and not people for the church. The main message that I get from the place that I go to is not that people are for the church but that people are for the people. That people are for the people. This is what I would like my son to take with him.

We are very fortunate to live in a multicultural and multi-faith city. The city which totally overwhelmed me when I first arrived here, the city which I am totally indebted to for making me open-minded and curious of differences, and as many British cities this one is also great at coexistence but would definitely benefit from more face-to-face dialogue. I don’t know how it is in schools these days, but I know what it looks like in playgrounds and play spaces. Mums gravitate towards those that look like them. How about breaking that habit? How about initiating conversations that join us together? Getting to know that lonely-sitting, iphone-flicking everymama? Where she’s from, what she values and most importantly why she is alone.

How I have raised my energy levels beyond those of my toddler

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Over the last 6 months I have made a deliberate attempt at improving my health and raising my energy levels to exceed, or at least match, those of my toddler. I was getting progressively weaker and weaker and so decided to manage myself more thoughtfully and replenish resources. Every step I made equalled a step up on the energy ladder and I only wish now I had done it sooner. Here’s a short description of the journey to vitality that I have taken so far.

1. I started small in January. No great ambitions. All that I really wanted was to get more sleep and so I did. Often at the expense of dirty floors, windows and dishes but in all honesty I was so exhausted there was no other choice. I gave myself 5 weeks. These were 5 weeks when I was committed to live with all the undone chores just to have the time for my recuperative bliss. Sleep is one of the most powerful medicines available. Do not feel guilty that you need it. You are not lacking discipline. You are lacking sleep.

2. I experienced an immediate improvement in my energy levels after those sleepy weeks but it was winter and I was lacking motivation to leave the house for longer walks and I knew I needed them to get fitter so I invested in pedometer – a little clever tool that counts your steps. To me, a blessing. You probably can use a smartphone for that and download the right apps but I do not have one so I bought this one. The pedometer worked for me, it worked for my husband, it worked for my mum and dad. Try, I think it might work for you too.

3. I read a lot about nutrition, gut flora, adrenal fatigue and supplementation. I was ignorant when it came to those subjects and I would not describe myself as a great supporter of supplements before. However I realised that after pregnancy I was just too depleted and would not be able to replenish my resources with diet only – I would probably have to double my food intake and I am not slim. In my case, post-pregnancy supplementation (2.5 years later!) was essential. On the subject of gut flora, I learnt that many autoimmune diseases are linked to our gut. If you, like me, were given antibiotics in the last few years, you may benefit from taking extra care for your gut. Fermented food could be really beneficial. Sauerkraut is regularly served on my table.

4. Are you a grazer? Yes I am. A bad one – one that used to graze on biscuits and chocolate. A good one – one that now grazes on nuts (Brazil nuts and walnuts), dried fruit (mainly prunes) and superfoods (e.g. avocado, blueberries). It’s a very simple but a very beneficial change to make as you simply graze on nutrients: vitamins and protein. Of course if you’re not a grazer then do not even try to be one – just add some nuts to your breakfast.

5. Water. I used to be a heavy coffee drinker. A couple of weeks ago I decided to break this habit too. I knew that my energy levels were improving as I was leaving half-full cups of coffee all over the house. Not drinking it – not needing it. I replaced the coffee with cold water. Now water is all that I need to feel refreshed in the middle of the afternoon when my energy drops slightly.

6. It’s only now, almost three years from my pregnancy, 6 months after I started looking after myself that I feel I can take on heavier workout and seriously look after my body. Is there anyone who you like exercising with? My sister has recently recommended Focus T25, which is a cardio 25 minutes workout per day for 5 days, I have tried it and loved it.

Just recently, during our first meeting, my nutritionist gave me a piece of advice. She suggested that I should create a positive mantra that would describe myself in good health with great energy. The mantra could be as simple as I am health. The psychological effect behind repeating it is similar to that of a placebo effect. If we think that we are healthy or that we are heading the right direction in our recovery our brain starts producing the necessary chemicals which support the process. I am healthy and vigorous – that’s my mantra. What would yours be? Where do you get your energy from?

 Have patience to walk in small steps until you have the wings to fly.

Francis de Sales

rumianekraising your energy levels

Holidaying in this space

petals are dropping

Not many people read blogs during the summer so it feels like I’m going against the grain here by coming back from my break in writing. A lot has been happening over the past few months and part of me wants to take a good stock of it. So I’ll be holidaying in this space and a few posts will appear here this summer.

This is a simple list of thoughts and experiences that I just wanted to log that are not only about today but also about the last few months.

Making: sense of my multicultural experiences on the pages of my thesis
Cooking: simple chicken dishes with olive oil, fresh tomatoes, garlic and basil
Drinking: jugs of water
Reading: once again The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck; Masterpieces of literary reportage by Ryszard Kapuscinski, Last Child in The Woods by Richard Louv
Wanting: what I have
Looking: at the growing man on my side
Playing: shake, shake, shake – it’s just about shaking pretty much everything these days
Wasting: perhaps a bit too much money on books these months
Sewing: is about to be outsourced to a tailor – winter coats need mending
Wishing: well to people nearby and afar
Enjoying: gluten-free diet
Waiting: no more, there is no time to waste
Liking: this video about self-compassion being even more important than self-esteem, Jesper Juul, Hozier and Gipsy Kings
Wondering: what to write in this space
Loving: English charity shops
Hoping: to complete this list
Marvelling: at my son’s strength
Needing: stronger backbone to lift the pre-school attendee
Smelling: blackcurrants
Wearing: summer
Following: you ;)
Noticing: how much can be gained through a face-to-face dialogue
Knowing: myself much better than 4 years ago
Thinking: a lot about languages, cultures, modern families, nutrition and growing broad beans
Feeling: optimistic
Bookmarking: quotes on patience and perseverance
Opening: many packs of raisins for my little boy
Giggling: every evening when the summer heat subsides and the air cools down

and one addition:

Missing: I was missing writing for this space. I think I have grown quite a lot through my previous blogging experiences and it has always felt like a privilege to be part of this creative community. It’s great to pop in for a while.

The taking stock list and a template was made by Pip at Meet Me at Mike‘s. Go and visit her lovely space.

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