Tag: Motherhood

To make the ground firmer

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A while ago I travelled to my little village in Poland, to the place where I grew up. Going back to Poland used to mean refreshing my old dreams, things that as a child I promised myself I would do in life; it meant checking up on those aspirations that in my teenage years I drafted for myself, it meant going through some sort of evaluation process that I usually didn’t score that well against or getting a reminder of where I was meant to be going.

The last visit was different. I didn’t hear the voice of my old self – that voice has nothing to say. It was as if I’ve eventually become the person who I always wanted to be or maybe I’ve eventually become happy with who I am and what I am doing. It was as if I’ve pleased my old self and now it’s chapter two… not yet written.

So it’s time for a big move and other life-changing experiences, I thought to myself. It’s natural to crave for them and I do see that many of my close friends are getting ready for those moves so I quite naturally wonder if those changes are also for me. Would I like to move from where I live and from what I am doing here in our little town in the middle of the UK and would I like to start building our family life elsewhere? After a long internal conversation, self-questioning and heart-checking I’ve decided I don’t, at least not now. My heart does not crave for a new-starter-sort-of-change. I think I am passed that step. I am really longing for deeper community, for closer friendships, for stronger engagement in the life of my town and my neighbourhood. I want to be more involved in what’s happening at my son’s nursery and other places that we visit and go to. I think I want laughter and jokes and stories and food eaten and cooked together. I think I want to build bonds and be more present in the life of others. I see many opportunities for my family here. There are many friendly people and many friendly spaces in the Midlands, I just need to learn to drive to them…

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When to read to those toddlers that hardly ever sit still?

running_toddler_Postcards without stamps_blog

“I really would like to read to my toddler but it’s really difficult. She moves so much or when I start reading to her she grabs the book and tears it apart,” a friend of mine said to me. I really knew what she was talking about as my little toddler was doing exactly the same thing. Pulling, biting and tearing the pages ferociously as if turning into that young and wild lion that I’ve just attempted to read to him about.

Reading is important. It is necessary. It feeds imagination and language development so there is little choice really in the matter. It must be done. What should we do then when the reading changes into a chaotic feast?

I went on a mission to look for times when I can peacefully read to my son, get the most of his attention and save the books from being damaged. I had a few Eureka moments and from then on reading has become much loved by my son and easy for me and my husband. Here are our favourite times for reading:

In the morning, during his milk bottle time – I put my son on a sofa, give him a bottle of milk, sit down next to him and we go through as many as 4-5 short stories. He learned to like this morning routine so much that the books are read more than once even after the milk is finished. He likes to choose the order in which they are read too.

In the afternoon, after a good running in the garden or after being in a playground – Even the strongest and most moving of toddlers like to have a bit of downtime. When I notice that my boy would be happy to have a sit down, I take a book or two to the garden, I sit on the grass or a blanket and I don’t need to wait too long for him to turn up to snuggle under my arm for a story to be read to him. He usually turns up with his favourite ball in his hand and so he leaves the books for me to hold.

In the evening, again during his milk bottle time – We perch on the carpet or again on the sofa and we repeat the morning routine. Brushing teeth, pyjama wearing and lullaby singing come afterwards. I tried to read to my son when he was already in his bed or cot but that only distracted him and made him want to climb out of his cot.

I love these moments not only because of the opportunity to read and explore the stories but also because of the harmony that they give to our days. They restore the balance to our day and keep me sane.

When do you like reading to your child?

Bringing up a trilingual child – the beginning

Three languages

Those of you who are familiar with my family setting would know that we use three languages at home. I had the great pleasure to write about bringing up a trilingual child for www.trilingualchildren.com It’s a wonderful space full of great advice and wonderful stories. Below are the leading paragraphs to my article:

More delight, less doubt. Bringing up a trilingual child – the beginning

I just came back from the hospital with my small and beautiful little boy. He was an easy-going newborn who settled himself into a nice routine very quickly. I loved holding him in my arms late at night and absorbing his peace. Blissful, wonderful peace. I felt enormously happy. I felt rewarded, blessed and enriched; but my fortune was not made of money, but of affection and attachment that strengthened and deepened with every day, unconditionally, unremittingly, and peacefully.

It was in this peace of a quietly breathing newborn baby, in a room that smelled of baby shampoo, just after midnight, that I realised that I want to bring up my son as a trilingual child, that the biggest gift my husband and I can give to him is the gift of languages, an opportunity to enter and explore his parents and grandparents’ cultures and to draw strength from them.

But there are other reasons too. That night when I was looking at my son, I saw generations of people in our genealogical lines that came before us. My son wasn’t made of me or my husband only… those genes that made him where not ours only. I understood then that my son has already got a heritage, a heritage that he won’t be able to understand or access without knowing and understanding the languages that my husband and I speak. Raising him up with one language seemed unfair… both towards him and those people before us.

So there we are, living in multicultural Britain, bringing up a toddler speaking Italian, Polish and English and doing everyday things just as other families do. We are developing our routines and with those routines our toddler is grasping the languages and learns about the world. Many parents tend to get overwhelmed at this stage of their child’s development because it’s so easy to think that you need to provide additional language input on top of the usual care. To me it’s about using language while exercising daily care, while bathing, while potty training, while putting the shoes on and when collecting toys off the floor. The language comes with care and attention. It’s not separate from it.  Click here to continue reading…

Taking stock – grasping balance

the sun shining on the roses
Sometimes it’s nice to locate yourself in the busyness of your life and to take a snapshot of what is happening. Likes, wants, feelings and responsibilities. A taking stock list and a template was made by Pip at  Meet Me at Mike‘s last year and it’s still going strong on the world wide web. I decided to use her template and below is what I’ve gathered from my most recent days. What would your list look like?

Making: paper puppets and puzzles out of old colour-in pictures
Cooking: risotto with soon-out-of-season British asparagus
Drinking: black coffee
Reading: about Bali
Wanting: more time to write
Looking: forward to visiting the mainland of Europe
Playing: in the garden with my son a lot
Wasting: as little as I can
Sewing: nothing at the moment
Wishing: for peace in Ukraine
Enjoying: sunny weather in the UK and developing friendships
Waiting: for my son’s first sentences
Liking: this song and this post
Wondering: about where this blog will take me
Loving: dancing with my son to this music
Hoping: to stick to the nothing new project
Marvelling: at summer fruit and veg
Needing: nothing
Smelling: strawberries, freshly cut grass and turned earth and compost around
Wearing: my mum’s old jeans and a 3 year old sleeveless blue top
Following: impossibly too many ants on the kitchen table
Noticing: developing preferences and a strong independent streak in my son’s character
Knowing: not enough about eco-friendly living and organic gardening
Thinking: deep about languages and cultures
Feeling: loved
Bookmarking: this blog and this site, this talk and this recipe
Opening: my wardrobe for charity
Giggling: with my son while watching Curious George and while playing safari

So this is where I am today, where are you?

 

in the garden

Unburdened dreaming

drawing

Just a few days ago I caught my little son daydreaming. He pulled a blanket on our carpet, grabbed a pillow from the sofa, and quietly lied down losing himself into some world unknown to me. I smiled understandingly.

I saw both myself and my husband in this daydreaming. We both do that– we lose ourselves in thoughts, in wondering. A lot of it is purposeful, of course. A lot of it is planning and problem-solving, and reflection on past events but not all… and thank God for that.

The dreaming that I wish I was doing more often is that in Beatrix Potter’s style, where rabbits and ducks wonderfully misbehave and talk too much. The dreaming that makes you giggle to yourself, the dreaming that ends without a list of things to do or to have. The dreaming that leaves you relaxed and entertained. Unburdened dreaming.

These days we are only supposed to have a wish list, aren’t we? Dreaming about having, dreaming about goods is encouraged, the opposite is true of dreaming fiction.

I really wish that my son will be searching the depths of his imagination for cheer, comfort and encouragement, that he will develop a strong dreaming muscle that will help him counter those dreams that consume one’s energy by pressing you to want more.

The real dreams of a real and creative child, do you still have them?

Music from Miss Potter: biographical movie about Beatrix Potter directed by Chris Noonan
Katie Melua – When You Taught Me How To Dance