As far as our curiosity takes us

Christmas is abundant in culture in our little home. We’re a trilingual household, with Polish, Italian and English being spoken between us and the members of our family, and so when we celebrate Christmas, there are many customs and traditions to follow and weave into the Christmas season. I often ask myself to what extent it is possible to be a multicultural family, how far can we go in being three at once: Polish, Italian and English.

It’s been only recently that I came up with the answer to the how far question:

We can go as far as our curiosity goes.

For is this not what identity is? All that we’ve been thus far and all where our curiosity takes us to.

I feel that the more we cultivate the three languages, the deeper we dive into the cultures that accompany them. It’s either following one’s interest and enjoying it or living in a state of permanent nostalgia for what we once were (or what we once hoped to become). It’s interesting that we can either answer our curiosity or be saddened by it.

If you follow Elizabeth Gilbert on Facebook, you will learn a lot from her about curiosity-driven life. I love her idea and now it is a perfect moment for me to embrace it. A perfect moment to start learning, exploring and loving our three cultures.

So this is where this blog is going to venture now.

From curiosity to cultures. :)

But where was I… oh yes… traditions and customs. I proclaimed myself a custodian of cultures this Christmas and although we celebrated in England, I made a typical Polish dinner on Dec 24: carp, beetroot soup, ginger bread and pasta with poppy seeds, nuts and raisins. Just before Christmas our Italian friends came over for a short visit. It was interesting for me to learn that where they are from in the south of Italy, they also celebrate Christmas starting on Dec 24 eating fish, opening presents and going to church at midnight. This is different to how my husband’s family celebrated it in the north of Italy – with the main emphasis being on Dec 25. If you happen to be from the north of Italy, I am curious to know if this is still true for you.

Children benefit greatly from celebrating multicultural Christmas. Not only because of the different foods, customs and music but also because presents are given in different places of the world at different times which can mean more presents, or if you think like me, it would mean that not everything needs to be opened from everyone on the same day and the joy can be spread throughout the weeks. In Poland we tend to give each other the main presents on Dec 24 after our main Christmas dinner, but also something small a bit earlier in the month on Dec 6 for St Nicholas’ Day (Mikołajki). On Dec 6 my mother used to put some nuts, oranges, a piece of chocolate into our shoes and sometimes a little practical winter present like a pair of gloves, warm tights or a hat. Nothing too fancy – the present was just meant to bring a smile to our faces and warmth to our bodies. Practical and simple. In England, the main presents are opened on the 25th and in Italy, something small is also given on the 6th of January, for la Befana – Befana is an old witch-like woman who brings candies and fruit to good children and garlic and coal to the naughty ones. If you are a cook, you are lucky, you can purposefully misbehave and you will get garlic and fuel with which to start cooking many of your pasta sauces. :)

Have a great curiosity-driven year!

Where do you think your curiosity will take you in 2016?

Losing sleep and buying presents for new-to-parenthood adults

A new era has started in our house – an era of no afternoon sleep for our toddler (and no cat naps for me by the same token). It’s been on and off for the last three months but it looks like he has decided to drop it for good now. Every transition phase in a family life, even as small as this one, is challenging and tiring at the same time. A lot of miscommunication happens in transition phases – what I once understood as a sign of tiredness on the part of our little boy, now becomes a request for extra entertainment and I must admit it took me a while to grasp it, perhaps a tinge of denial clouded my parental perception, but it looks like I am now a mum of a small boy rather than a toddler. Could this be the case? So soon?

I suspect that our son is also confused by this new wave of energy that embraces him in the middle of each day. So when today, just after midday, my little companion turned into a roaring dinosaur and then into a savage shark that ferociously dived into the tormented sea of our duvet with no intention of reverting into a sweet and sleepy baby-boy the shark once was, I thought to myself that it’s probably a sign that we’re done with afternoon naps and it’s time for something else now…

More serious mothering… maybe? I noticed that there are many no’s to exchange now, more boundaries to set, new negotiations to engage in and I am slowly finding myself within this new parental landscape. But ‘slowly’ is not a word that goes well with being a mum of a 3 year-old. I have a very curious and a very fast son and I love this about him but recently I just find it really hard to keep his pace and you know, as a parent, it’s actually better if you’re a bit quicker than your child, a millisecond will suffice as long as that millisecond is there… And if you are as big a dreamer as I am, you are probably more than one zillion milliseconds behind.

There are two books that mainly helped me (and are still helping) with developing good communication habits with my son. I would not have any qualms in presenting these books as Christmas presents to new-to-parenthood adults. So if you have anyone around you with small children, do not hesitate investing in these two sources as they are really helpful and enlightening.

The first book is by Jesper Juul (2011) entitled Your Competent Child.

The second is by Janet Lansbury (2014) and is called No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame.

Two wonderful and helpful guides. They are really kind and understanding in tone and message and I cannot help but love what they recommend and how they explain the role of parenting and honest communication between children and parents. Of course, I do not necessarily read them as gospel, but I feel that they came to my life just at the right time.

Let me know if they do the trick for you and your loved-ones too. x

Receiving Presents: Does It Matter What’s Inside?

Reminder

A father once gave his child a beautifully wrapped box. It was red and gold with a large ribbon. The father said to the child, ‘Before you can open it, let’s imagine what might be inside’.

To start with the box contained only simple objects, but as they stared and wondered, the child’s imagination grew and the box started filling up with various fantastical ideas: a troupe of dancing fairies, a musical box containing a full orchestra of mice, a pair of magic shoes that makes you walk on clouds, a toy train full of chattering teddy bears, a miniature garden full of tiny roses, trees and monkeys…The ideas kept flowing. Towards the end of the evening, the father suggested, ‘Now you can open your present’. The child responded ‘No Daddy, I don’t want to open it. I’m happy with the box’.

Would you open the box?

What would be in your box that you would find most satisfying?

Is it possible that someone’s gratitude for the gift of imagination is stronger than their curiosity and appetite for the real life? How does it feel?

First published: December 2013

Nothing New: moving forward

My Nothing New Project has come to a standstill over the summer. I came across a few situations where I didn’t have a choice but to buy something new for myself and my son. Things like that always happen when you think you can relax, don’t they? For example, when you simply forget to pack that essential jacket you need because the place where you’re staying in the mountains drops to 6°C or when your child’s feet grow almost overnight and you realise that he will not make many steps in the old ones any more. I’m forgiving myself these small departures from the nothing new project as they really are justifiable but there is something else too… my little weakness that I indulged in while in Poland. I love Polish children’s’ songs and stories (written and spoken). I tried to say no to them, but I do see them as an essential part of my son’s childhood. And not just my son’s. They will also be used by a number of children because I am starting a group for Polish kids in my town which will focus on popularising Polish rhymes and stories among the expat children. So it turns out that those books have become a bit of an investment into community building and I’m happy I am making use of this investment.

So all in all, what’s the status of my nothing new project? I’ve slipped but I am carrying on, being mindful of what and where I buy or what I don’t buy. It’s almost the end of September and pre-Christmas shopping madness is about to start – I am sticking to the nothing new project just for the sole purpose of staying true to the message of the Christmas period – that new is born and not bought… that a true and long-lasting regeneration and renovation comes from effort, time and nourishment. So for these next few months I’ll carry on learning how to be patient, more hard-working and nurturing. I hope you’ll stay with me to see to it. ;)

Christmas, deadlines and a crocodile’s tail (a very special postcard for you)

Here we are. It’s almost Christmas. Almost New Year. Have you been counting the days? I have. Terrified how little time is left to January and the deadline that it brings for me. My list of want-to-dos and to-dos is as long as the tail of my son’s crocodile and the time space available to do them smaller than its nostril. And you know, normally, a small nostril and a long tail equal a lot of stress, but should it really? At this time?

The end of the year has always been like that. Never free from deadlines, objectives and rushing. They are either self-inflicted or given to us by others. The world goes crazy before Christmas. It’s as if there was nothing after 31 December. As if our objectives, work and dreams had no value next year. Somehow we have persuaded ourselves that things need to be finished by Christmas. The thing is… Christmas is not a deadline and it should not be a deadline. Christmas is about allowing joy and hope to have its moment. Our depleted and battered-by-targets souls need their so rarely administered nutrients… they need tranquility and they need congratulations. Yes, congratulations. Pause this Christmas and congratulate yourself on being who you are, on having what you’ve got, on being able to do what you have done. Let me congratulate you too: on this amazing work that you’ve done this year, on finding strength to carry on when all that you really want is rest, on the willingness to extend yourself, on making small and big steps towards bettering yourself and others, and on ticking some boxes and on choosing not to tick others.

And what to do with those boxes that remain pristine? We’ll use them later. Now it’s Christmas! Congratulations are due!

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