Losing sleep and buying presents for new-to-parenthood adults

A new era has started in our house – an era of no afternoon sleep for our toddler (and no cat naps for me by the same token). It’s been on and off for the last three months but it looks like he has decided to drop it for good now. Every transition phase in a family life, even as small as this one, is challenging and tiring at the same time. A lot of miscommunication happens in transition phases – what I once understood as a sign of tiredness on the part of our little boy, now becomes a request for extra entertainment and I must admit it took me a while to grasp it, perhaps a tinge of denial clouded my parental perception, but it looks like I am now a mum of a small boy rather than a toddler. Could this be the case? So soon?

I suspect that our son is also confused by this new wave of energy that embraces him in the middle of each day. So when today, just after midday, my little companion turned into a roaring dinosaur and then into a savage shark that ferociously dived into the tormented sea of our duvet with no intention of reverting into a sweet and sleepy baby-boy the shark once was, I thought to myself that it’s probably a sign that we’re done with afternoon naps and it’s time for something else now…

More serious mothering… maybe? I noticed that there are many no’s to exchange now, more boundaries to set, new negotiations to engage in and I am slowly finding myself within this new parental landscape. But ‘slowly’ is not a word that goes well with being a mum of a 3 year-old. I have a very curious and a very fast son and I love this about him but recently I just find it really hard to keep his pace and you know, as a parent, it’s actually better if you’re a bit quicker than your child, a millisecond will suffice as long as that millisecond is there… And if you are as big a dreamer as I am, you are probably more than one zillion milliseconds behind.

There are two books that mainly helped me (and are still helping) with developing good communication habits with my son. I would not have any qualms in presenting these books as Christmas presents to new-to-parenthood adults. So if you have anyone around you with small children, do not hesitate investing in these two sources as they are really helpful and enlightening.

The first book is by Jesper Juul (2011) entitled Your Competent Child.

The second is by Janet Lansbury (2014) and is called No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame.

Two wonderful and helpful guides. They are really kind and understanding in tone and message and I cannot help but love what they recommend and how they explain the role of parenting and honest communication between children and parents. Of course, I do not necessarily read them as gospel, but I feel that they came to my life just at the right time.

Let me know if they do the trick for you and your loved-ones too. x

Follow your child’s gaze

Just before the night sets in I sit down on a bed with my little boy, we surround ourselves with a number of picture books and we look through the images and I read to him. Depending on how busy our day was and how alert we both are this little ritual of ours lasts from 15 minutes up to an hour. I love this daily encounter with different adventures, poems and stories but most of all I love this very peaceful time with my child and the feeling of unity that it creates.

Years ago I was wondering what it is about reading or rather following a particular story which creates this feeling of togetherness. I decided that the answer partially is held in our gaze. We look in the same direction. We see things together.

When we go about our days with my son I try to follow his gaze. I try to look where he looks so that I get to know him better, so that I learn what his interests are. I hope that through this he will find courage to stay true to his interests later on in life and to be sure that whichever direction he will turn to, I will be watching this with interest too.

As part of my own development I often listen to podcasts and interviews on creativity, curiosity and calling in adult life and I like to link them to how I see childhood. Over these very first years of my son’s life I have formulated a very firm conviction that at the moment, at the very moment of being and becoming, curiosity is his only calling.

I owe it to his future to respect this.

Check the podcasts that inspired me to write the post above: http://robbell.com/portfolio/robcast/

Where to find information on how to play with a toddler?

Bringing up a toddler means many things, but when it comes to good playtime it primarily means embracing movement. Toddlers love to move, they have the energy and need for action. Frequent runs around the park and playground are one way of exhausting their energy (and they are certainly effective) but it’s helpful to bring variety to our routines and have a set of activities for our toddlers to do at home and outside.

I was looking for a book that would give me ideas on how to play with my two-year-old and would help me with activities for a group of small children. My son is our first child and sometimes we haven’t been very successful at choosing games and entertainments that he would have enjoyed. Once I felt really out of depth while running a community event for toddlers in my neighbourhood. It’s not as easy to get them organised and interested as some may think.

When I found 101 Ways to Play With a 2-year-old I was really really happy and astonished at how easy play with toddlers can and should be. The book offers what it promises in its title (101 activities). Each activity is presented on a separate page and is beautifully illustrated with a drawing that make you immediately imagine yourself and the toddler at play. They are also marked with a difficulty level so you may want to start with the very easy ones and try other ones later as you child progresses towards being a three-year-old. But in all honesty, I wish I had this book even before my toddler was two as really some of these games are fabulous to try even before they pass their second birthday.

Another very strong side of the book is that it doesn’t demand any additional toy purchases or having fancy things around. Everything that is used in the book for good playtime you probably have already at home (a piece of string, shoes, crayons) or you will be able to find in your local park (stones, leaves). I read the book when I have a free minute here and there and I look for opportunities to use the ideas as our week unfolds. It’s all really nice and simple. This morning, for example, while waiting for our eggs to boil, we were making different shapes and patterns out of a piece of string, naming them and having fun together. An easy and lovely distraction prior to the meal.

Title: Angevin, D.; Jackle, A., Langowski, M., Lucky, B., and Torrent, B. (2014) 101 Ways to Play with a 2-year-old. New York: Nanook Books.

This is not a sponsored post. I am just sharing experiences and information.

Bringing up toddlers with relevant books

Reading is what I do for a good part of my week. Partially because of my research, but also out of habit. If I don’t read daily, I feel a hunger for words and ideas.

However, I wouldn’t call last year the most nourishing reading-wise. I read far too many guides on how to be a better mum that made me actually feel confused and not up for the job. My child entered the ‘terrible twos’ a few months back. He became more demanding. Playtime needs more effort now. The titles that I read then were not giving me the guidance that I sought, simply because they were not practical enough.

I wanted to know more about how to play with a two-year old, how to organize our time together and I was in need of having a good range of games and entertainments up my sleeve that would be safe and appropriate for his age. I thought I was a fairly imaginative person, but the things that I was coming up with were not always enthusiastically received by my little and headstrong bundle of energy.

I’ve done some searching and have come across a few fabulous titles that both my husband and I are really taken with. We pick a few activities out of these books and it’s great to see how our son responds to them and plays along. The same happens when I try them out in one of the playgroups for small kids that I run every so often.

I know that some of you have children in a similar age group so I thought I should write a short series of posts with book recommendations. I am pretty sure that some of these titles you’ll be happy to have on your shelves too.

The first post in the Book Recommendations Series will appear at the beginning of next week.

Looking for answers

There is a pile of books on my bedside cabinet. Years of studying have almost conditioned me to research a little bit before I act, before I implement something new into my routines… This has of course its strengths but can also be quite constricting… I noticed this trend among my friends too… they don’t want to explore, try things out before checking online or before consulting an appropriate How to… book. I wonder where this tendency is coming from and if it is really changing us into better people, parents, workers or whether it leaves us more unsatisfied and frustrated? Is it fear of making mistakes or fear of taking responsibility for our choices? Is it information, perfection or reassurance that we’re seeking?

I love reading books. I will always read but I think I wouldn’t like to condition my child to the behaviour that I’ve described above. I would like him to try to figure things out for himself first, to develop a problem-solver attitude to life. The world needs fresh thinkers, people who are not afraid to try things out, to invent…

I know that books can nurture imagination, that they are important, if not crucial, in our children’s development… but not all the answers are in them… not all.

Indeed, the books do not know what our questions are. They might be answering different ones.

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