Driving lessons, pubs and fishing

For a long time I did not have a need to drive in the UK. Back in Poland, our family home was situated next to a railway line and so the thought of travelling by train was as natural to me as eating bread for breakfast. I’m never shy of taking a bus either. I like collective travel and am always fond of meeting people at bus stops, on trains and trams and striking up a conversation with them. In fact, travelling by public transport has given me some beautiful memories and associations. My wonderful friendships have been made stronger when sitting at a table in a cross-country train.

With our son growing up, however, I feel that I would like to be able to go to places with him which are not so well connected by public transport. My desire was always to bring him up in a way that allows him to connect with people of different walks of life, to see how differently people work and live (I wrote about it here). I wish this for myself too, of course. I like to learn about people, learn about their lives, lifestyles, values and customs (like I did here and here). I think what I really like seeing is their sense of pride, of who they are and what they do. I like when people value themselves. Both their work and their toils. There are many great, bitter-sweet stories that could be written out of our daily experiences. Noticing the stories to tell is perhaps the first step on our road to self-worth and life-appreciation.

So in order to tell a few more stories on this blog and to meet more people, I have summoned my courage to drive a bit more, to drive beyond my very small driving-comfort zone. I paid for a few refresher classes and asked my driving instructor if we could go to places that he knows well around my area – I love that very much when people show me what they find important and fascinating. It is then that I stretch myself most when I go to places that I might not normally go to. (Perhaps that is why I love to read blogs, because I feel that blogs take me where I would probably never gone on my own :))

Pub 1 — The John Thompson Inn and Brewery, Ingleby (near Derby)

One of my dreams as a mum is to be able to show my son that he has options. That there are mainstream and not-so-mainstream things that he can do in life. I want him to see that there are many different things worth doing and to develop a good sense of respect towards the value of human endeavor. Very often, in Zadie Smith’s words, we “mask self-doubt with contempt” – we scorn the skills that we would like to possess or mock decisions that other people make. It’s this less graceful part of our human condition. It’s also the part that is actually very often responsible for our fall, or for the fact that we never develop the potential that’s in us. When we criticize what people do, what they have, how they behave, we always send a message to ourselves that we do not want to become like them; but actually there is also another side to this story. Too often we criticise because actually we would like to be like them. I am a firm believer that appreciation of another human being and respect towards who they are and what they do make us notice quicker what’s alive in us.

My driving instructor loves fishing so he took me to places where he would normally fish. Around those fishing spots you can often find some amazing English pubs that anglers can visit after a decent catch. I was telling my husband a lot about my driving instructor’s tales. My three-year-old son was eavesdropping. Next morning he climbed on to our bedside cabinet, took my belt and said: ‘Mama, look, I’m fishing.’

Appreciation of the stories of others alerts us to what’s alive in us.

For a long time I was using public transport because, of course I feared driving, but also because I enjoyed the companionship that comes with journeying with others. The camaraderie was my reward. Since I no longer do those commutes I miss that daily dosage of human stories. Maybe driving will become the habit which will earn me my reward (new places, new stories). What are the habits that you would like to develop? What are the stories that you pay a particular attention to these days? Are they making you more alive?

Happy to live with ghosts

In the corner of my mum’s attic there is an old sewing machine which is waiting to be transported to our house. It belonged to my grandmother and I can easily recall its clicking sound and the image of my grandmother’s hands bowed over it with a piece of navy blue fabric that she would use to sew a dress for one of her many granddaughters. I know that soon this sewing machine will take a prominent place in our house; somewhere between my desk for reading and writing and next to this vintage typewriter that once sat in a little closet in my husband’s childhood home, to remind me of all the things that my now deceased grandmother exemplified: discipline, work, beauty.

With the Internet being full of different approaches to decorating houses, I have been for a while thinking if I have one. I have been drawn very much to the ideas encapsulated in the Japanese ancient philosophy of Wabi-Sabi, so beautifully pictured and described here and here by my two favourite bloggers. You will learn from these posts that Wabi-Sabi is about seeing beauty in imperfections, appreciation of the ordinary, and although I feel a strong affinity for it I know that it is not me entirely. It definitely speaks to my imagination, helps me forgive myself for not being perfect, and agrees with my non-consumerist approach to the many of life matters… but I mainly draw courage from our family histories… to answer my curiosity and calling just as the people before me had the courage to do it.

Our house stores a few objects that once functional are now primarily memories of our ancestors, of people who at some time were present in our lives. We are now left with pictures, photographs, books, an old butler (the piece of furniture, not the man servant). I think that we keep those things because what we value is continuity and we appreciate what has been attempted by them. Those objects represent their dreams, their aspirations and their qualities. Sources of strength. I am delighted to live with ghosts like these.

Sometimes I think that we fall into the trap of believing that we live in the golden age and that previous thinking, products, or actions somehow did not exist in the past or were totally inferior to the present. Can we really be so smug, but at the same time so insecure, about our contemporary skills and successes? I feel that the things that we choose to surround ourselves with have the capacity to both ease our insecurity and give us the perspective that a) we are part of a story that is longer than our lifespans and b) that our lives will also become part of someone else’s history.

Isn’t it a reason good enough to live a courageous and fulfilling life abundant with gratitude?

Follow your child’s gaze

Just before the night sets in I sit down on a bed with my little boy, we surround ourselves with a number of picture books and we look through the images and I read to him. Depending on how busy our day was and how alert we both are this little ritual of ours lasts from 15 minutes up to an hour. I love this daily encounter with different adventures, poems and stories but most of all I love this very peaceful time with my child and the feeling of unity that it creates.

Years ago I was wondering what it is about reading or rather following a particular story which creates this feeling of togetherness. I decided that the answer partially is held in our gaze. We look in the same direction. We see things together.

When we go about our days with my son I try to follow his gaze. I try to look where he looks so that I get to know him better, so that I learn what his interests are. I hope that through this he will find courage to stay true to his interests later on in life and to be sure that whichever direction he will turn to, I will be watching this with interest too.

As part of my own development I often listen to podcasts and interviews on creativity, curiosity and calling in adult life and I like to link them to how I see childhood. Over these very first years of my son’s life I have formulated a very firm conviction that at the moment, at the very moment of being and becoming, curiosity is his only calling.

I owe it to his future to respect this.

Check the podcasts that inspired me to write the post above: http://robbell.com/portfolio/robcast/

GUEST POST: The Fight Against The Decline Of Book Reading

Tara Vickers Photo — A reading flashmob in Nottingham, July 2014. Photo: Tara Vickers, 2014

I have the great pleasure introducing today’s guest writer James Walker. He is a literary journalist and the editor of the literary graphic novel Dawn of the Unread. Here he writes about the fight against the decline of book reading.

The Fight Against The Decline Of Book Reading by James Walker

On the 12 July 2014 I and a few friends decided to organise a reading flashmob in Old Market Square, Nottingham. 400 odd people turned up armed with books and we joined together in a very silent protest. Our aim was to make reading a visible act, and to show our appreciation to the writers, publishers and bookshops who have brought us joy over the years.

Physical books are slowly starting to disappear from the high streets and it’s not just because of the Kindle. In February, independent bookshops dropped to below 1,000 for the first time. This is largely due to high rents as well as a drop in demand. Bookshops pay the same rates as other businesses yet it is simplistic to categorise them as ‘retail’. Firstly, they are never going to be as profitable as say a clothes shop and secondly, they have an educational function. If councils don’t change their attitude our town centres are going to be nothing but Poundstretchers, Tescos and American coffee shops.

Libraries, when they’re not being closed down altogether, are seeing opening times and staffing numbers reduced due to cuts. The old argument that other services (such as hospitals) are more important is simplistic and divisive. The UK was recently positioned 22 out of 24 industrialised nations for illiteracy. This is particularly worrying given that there is proven evidence that those who don’t read are less likely to vote, become home owners and lack general confidence. Cuts also mean that less books are stocked which in turn impacts on the livelihood of writers who are already pretty much at the bottom of the food chain.

These are just some of the issues that motivated the people in the picture to sit down alone together with their favourite books. Reading is also something that is able to unite every type of person, cutting across cultures, gender, ethnicity and age. Yet despite its ability to unite all communities and its role in developing us intellectually and emotionally, it is something which local government seems to treat with contempt. Now we’ve all sat down together quietly, perhaps it’s time we all started to shout for what we believe in…

James Walker is the editor of literary graphic novel Dawn of the Unread. The flashmob was organised as part of their campaign to raise the importance of reading. Their next public event is a game of zombie mastermind as part of the Nottingham Festival of Words (19 October, 3pm, Old Market Square, Nottingham) which will see four dead writers come back to answer questions about their literary lives www.dawnoftheunread.com

Nothing New: moving forward

My Nothing New Project has come to a standstill over the summer. I came across a few situations where I didn’t have a choice but to buy something new for myself and my son. Things like that always happen when you think you can relax, don’t they? For example, when you simply forget to pack that essential jacket you need because the place where you’re staying in the mountains drops to 6°C or when your child’s feet grow almost overnight and you realise that he will not make many steps in the old ones any more. I’m forgiving myself these small departures from the nothing new project as they really are justifiable but there is something else too… my little weakness that I indulged in while in Poland. I love Polish children’s’ songs and stories (written and spoken). I tried to say no to them, but I do see them as an essential part of my son’s childhood. And not just my son’s. They will also be used by a number of children because I am starting a group for Polish kids in my town which will focus on popularising Polish rhymes and stories among the expat children. So it turns out that those books have become a bit of an investment into community building and I’m happy I am making use of this investment.

So all in all, what’s the status of my nothing new project? I’ve slipped but I am carrying on, being mindful of what and where I buy or what I don’t buy. It’s almost the end of September and pre-Christmas shopping madness is about to start – I am sticking to the nothing new project just for the sole purpose of staying true to the message of the Christmas period – that new is born and not bought… that a true and long-lasting regeneration and renovation comes from effort, time and nourishment. So for these next few months I’ll carry on learning how to be patient, more hard-working and nurturing. I hope you’ll stay with me to see to it. ;)

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