Christmas Mirror

If you were standing in front of the mirror that shows the greatest desire of your heart, what would it reveal to you? Do you know yourself well enough to know what that would be?

If we discard the need/requirement/fad to be slimmer or wealthier, what would remain?

If we remove the musts and shoulds, is it possible that the mirror would show what we already have, who we already are? Is there any likelihood that it would reveal nothing but what exists already, that it would show you that you are already very very happy? Even though things are not picture-perfect, there is an aspect of your life that is making it what you’ve forever wanted it to be.

Is it possible that if you would look into that mirror today, you would gasp with awe as you would notice that what you experience contains the very happiness that you had once hoped for. Isn’t that magical?

Happy Christmas season, my friend. You are a gift to the world.

Walk with me

There was a time in my life that nothing could have made me jump out of bed more than the promise of reading a blog that one wonderful woman was writing on the other side of the globe. I have never read or seen anything that would create such a strong reaction in me and was really never as compelled by someone’s writing as much as I was then. The words were cutting right through to the heart and the mind, giving me the education that I needed and reaching me where I was in my life at the time. At times I gasped in awe, and totally puzzled, I stammered in disbelief: How… how on Earth does she know how to meet me there? How on Earth does she know that I need to read what I am reading to transform? At times I was so spooked that I honestly looked around my own room in search of surveillance cameras feeling oddly exposed but at the same time totally understood in someone else’s writing. Have you ever experienced anything similar? Have you ever felt like that? Strangely capable of seeing yourself in other people’s experiences?

When Autumn ends, when the golden colours disappear and the grey and dullness start to seep in, I crave for inspiration, but what is truer is that I crave to be assured that the beauty will return, that the sun will shine strong again – and this is perhaps what inspiration does to our internal landscapes – it’s the sun that lights up our grey surroundings. It’s the sun that lights up the whole of you and it may come from outside but I have now learnt that it may come from within too. It’s almost a decision, or a pact with oneself, that even if there is nothing that inspires me now I will walk in its way… I will walk where the light is.

The blog that inspired me so much was Inked in Colour. Go and visit the site.

Brave magic

No one knows it better than children that darkness can be beautiful and exciting. That shadows can have their charm. That solitude can bring up our creative spirits and make them hear voices that naturally disappear during our daily ramble of routines. No one knows it better than children that the unknown is always a promise of discovery, that the scary can easily be turned into the unusual or the magical.

Sometimes we need a bit of help to tread into the unknown and to become childen whose curiosity is stronger than fear, we need to be helped with going through the darkness of self-discovery. During our darkest moments we rarely resemble children who are interested in observing or making the magic happen. During our darkest moments we are utterly confused, stuck in the difficulty. And this is when we reach for somebody or something and this is usually the time when many of us start to pray again – or to pray for the very first time ever. The prayer works, mostly when we understand that

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” Soren Kierkegaard

It’s when we start to smile at darkness that the magic begins. It’s when we take the responsibility for making the magic happen, that it does.

Transition

Too many eggs and too many baskets*

A while ago I wrote a post in which I was openly confessing my love of reading. I was saying how important it is for me to study and how important it is for me to engage with other people’s ideas. That day I was fortunate to receive a comment from Faye in which she wrote:

“Don’t let ONE aspect of who you are SWAMP other things.”

I read the comment and it was as if I was struck by thunder. I started having a serious dialogue with myself.Maybe Faye was right? Maybe studying was overcrowding other things? Maybe my research was encroaching on our family life and invading our family space a bit too much.

My books, my papers, my notes were everywhere and they were pulling my and my son’s attention pretty much constantly. You can imagine what that meant – lots of frustration and unnecessary conflict, lots of stress and mental burden. I realised then that I needed a solution.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was seriously considering quitting my work and my research, but that felt terribly wrong to me. I know what happens to people when they quit realizing their dream prematurely, they are scarred for life – I didn’t want that scar. Plus, on the very positive side, I thought to myself, well… I do love myself. I do love what I am doing. Why deny myself the joy that comes with it?

So I was troubled. I love my home, my family but I also love what I am doing and those very dear and very enriching aspects of my life were calling for separation. Calling for boundaries.

I was tossing and turning. I was unable to sleep through the night and then all of a sudden I had a light bulb moment – I just need an office. I immediately went online, yes, at five o’clock in the morning and right there and then I found a perfect place for myself. In a recently renovated old red brick factory I am now doing my research into multilingualism and I am teaching different languages, both in Polish and English. Maybe one day I will also teach some basic Spanish grammar and re-engage with that beautiful language that I studied at University. Once you start studying a foreign language, it really becomes part of you and not being able to speak it for a while is like not being able to access a part of yourself. It’s almost as if language imprints itself into your DNA and becomes part of your life story. It’s quite an amazing process.

Yesterday three years passed since I signed up with WordPress for the first time. The world of blogging gave me friends for life. Thank you WordPress. Thank you readers for taking the time to visit and comment.

Enjoy the Autumn!
xxx

Alicja

*Taken at Biskupin – An Open Air Museum, Poland