Initiate growth inside your family

These very first years of family life are full of challenges and negotiations that once resolved are actually incredibly satisfying. I like to think of a family as a unit in a state of growth. So when we hibernate for too long, we ask ourselves which of the spheres of life we have recently or over time neglected. In fact, I like to do this very easy exercise in which next to a life sphere we discuss ideas on how to improve it. It is a very simple exercise that, if you wish to do it for your own family, is best done individually for each member and then together as a whole.

Life Sphere:

Spiritual – effort to make time for meditation, reflection, prayer, quiet space in our busy lives

Humane – effort to make time for helping others outside the family and each other within the family

Emotional – effort to make time for cultivating positive emotions (love, kindness, compassion) and working through the negative ones, scheduling activities that bring about positive emotions

Physical – effort to make time for sport, rest, affection, cooking nutritious food, looking after our bodies

Intellectual – effort to make time for cultural activities (book, cinema, theatre) and stretching our minds, problem-solving activities, formal or informal study

Social – effort to make time for socializing, family-and-community gatherings, family conversation, celebrating, events in your own city, etc.

Environmental – effort to make time for engaging with nature, improving our homes or local areas, repairing the house, making our immediate environment pleasant

When it comes to family growth and well-being I have got one belief: every effort that you’ll make in the space of one year will deliver its shoots the next and if cultivated it will fully blossom in years to come. Do not get dissuaded or discouraged by the instant gratification culture, everything that is worth doing, is worth doing even if the fruit will show later in life.

Have a lovely family life!

This exercise has been inspired by the exercises promoted within Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology. If you’d like to learn more about it, you may like to read: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Teach Yourself (2012) by Christine Wilding or any other book or introduction to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

Edible cities, edible homes

Have you ever heard about the philosophy of edible cities? In the name of this ideal, owners of small flats and houses fill their windowsills with pots of chives and parsley, change their lawns into vegetable patches and fill their hanging baskets with tomato vines. It’s a great and straightforward way of bringing back THE REAL FOOD to your doorstep. No foil. No plastic. No packaging. Just the pure food produce pulled from the soil, your soil, and as organic as you can make it.

To me, a girl who grew up in a village with a big vegetable garden in the backyard, orchards and cold stores full of plums, apples and cherries, there is no other way of living in a city than making its surroundings edible. I need nature to feel grounded and I need contact with soil. It’s humbling and enabling at the same time. Humbling because the growth does not always happen, enabling because often it does and then you feel that you are more than just the manager of your pantry.

We’ve made a few changes in our garden this year to grow food, we have made a raised bed out of a tree that had to be felled due to its trunk forking out and we planted two small apple trees and blackcurrant, raspberry and blueberry bushes. Cherry tomatoes and small chillies are reddening in the sunnier parts of our garden. Some of our beetroots and broad beans are ready for collection and consumption. Herbs are abundant.

We had our problems. Things dried when we were away. The cucumbers just refused to grow. More than a few leaves have been eaten by slugs but to me this is an insignificant obstacle. Living in a city is not a problem either. I don’t see myself as limited by location. It’s just about getting the timing right and then learning as it all grows.

My son is a very eager grower and an absolute real food lover. He loves helping around the kitchen and the garden. He likes to play with food too, e.g. by taking broad beans out of their shell and then putting them back. And these broad beans… wow… once they are lightly cooked, they are divine. And the smell of the herbs in the kitchen is just wonderful. Just when we cooked some of our vegetables for dinner this evening I thought that one of the reasons for growing your own food is to remember what fresh produce should smell and taste like. It’s partially to have a benchmark against which you can assess the quality of food. Personally I am not enamored with supermarkets and I hardly ever shop there for food. Human contact is too precious for me and so we shop at the market or small independent stalls and stores. We rely on my greengrocer’s great fresh food produce.

It’s my greengrocer, some of you fellow bloggers, and my parents of course who remind me that we are not only consumers, but also growers and creators, capable of influencing our surroundings. If we always choose convenience, we become so one-dimensional, so plain and flat in knowledge and experiences that we are no longer… interesting.

Say no to convenience. There is always some space between flowers for some lovely food. I am happy that I didn’t get discouraged by last year’s garden failures. We’re definitely are going to grow more from now on. It’s just really really rewarding. I hope you’ll try too, will you?

If you would like to read more about edible cities and permaculture, read this book: Edible Cities: Urban Permaculture for Gardens, Balconies, Rooftops, and Beyond by Judith Anger, Dr. Immo Fiebrig, Martin Schnyder (2013).

Sing it loudly

“Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.” Joel Barker

A couple of years ago I wouldn’t have even dreamt of writing this text. My English was bad and broken and I did not have much confidence in stringing sentences together. Now I am cherishing every single free hour that I can dedicate to creating the content for this blog and to communicating what has been happening in my ‘bowl of cherries’. My son is a great teacher when it comes to showing me that skills and habits emerge through repetition over time. And so does our confidence in having them. There is no other answer to solving many of life’s problems and completing what we have started than: Stick at it. Stick at it.

This blog is still a wonder space for me. My vision for it crystallizes slowly and I know that if I want to make it happen and contribute something meaningful, I ought to do some work on myself first. I notice this to be true in so many other areas of my life too. Even at home. In my marriage. If I spend my day proactively, our dinner conversations are much more lively. There is just more to say. More to share. All members of the family are enriched by individual member’s pursuits. Of course, we’re enriched through togetherness too. Just differently.

The photos that I have chosen for this post were taken a few weeks ago in my dad’s orchard in Poland. My dad is a great visionary. He makes things happen and tends to his projects very well. Throughout the summer he’s been waking up 4am every day to see to the orchard before the afternoon heatwave commences. This June and July I’ve been really admiring his commitment to helping the cherries be the best – it was so hot that he was watering them every day. Not giving in to the drought. He just knows that a vision can materialize through purposeful repetitions of our efforts.

It’s the only legitimate way to success.

I wish for this blog to be a very meaningful space. Space where you’ll find comfort and inspiration. Space where you find a bit of yourself too. I have spent quite a few years stuck in silence because of my underdeveloped language skills. Learning a foreign language is a great lesson in perseverance. It’s a great opportunity to cater for the visionary in you. There are so many fabulous speakers and writers around. They can be a great source of vision. It’s really empowering to be able to write and to say to the whole world what you are about. Your vision can slowly emerge in your voice and you can sing your song. Louder and Louder.

After a long period of silence, it’s nice to be loud.

You’ve got the words to change a nation
But you’re biting your tongue
You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you’ll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?

(…) We’re all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we’re finally finding our voices
Just take a chance, come help me sing this

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream ’til the words dry out…

~Emeli Sandé, Read All About It (The song is here)

How I have raised my energy levels beyond those of my toddler

Over the last 6 months I have made a deliberate attempt at improving my health and raising my energy levels to exceed, or at least match, those of my toddler. I was getting progressively weaker and weaker and so decided to manage myself more thoughtfully and replenish resources. Every step I made equalled a step up on the energy ladder and I only wish now I had done it sooner. Here’s a short description of the journey to vitality that I have taken so far.

1. I started small in January. No great ambitions. All that I really wanted was to get more sleep and so I did. Often at the expense of dirty floors, windows and dishes but in all honesty I was so exhausted there was no other choice. I gave myself 5 weeks. These were 5 weeks when I was committed to live with all the undone chores just to have the time for my recuperative bliss. Sleep is one of the most powerful medicines available. Do not feel guilty that you need it. You are not lacking discipline. You are lacking sleep.

2. I experienced an immediate improvement in my energy levels after those sleepy weeks but it was winter and I was lacking motivation to leave the house for longer walks and I knew I needed them to get fitter so I invested in pedometer – a little clever tool that counts your steps. To me, a blessing. You probably can use a smartphone for that and download the right apps but I do not have one so I bought this one. The pedometer worked for me, it worked for my husband, it worked for my mum and dad. Try, I think it might work for you too.

3. I read a lot about nutrition, gut flora, adrenal fatigue and supplementation. I was ignorant when it came to those subjects and I would not describe myself as a great supporter of supplements before. However I realised that after pregnancy I was just too depleted and would not be able to replenish my resources with diet only – I would probably have to double my food intake and I am not slim. In my case, post-pregnancy supplementation (2.5 years later!) was essential. On the subject of gut flora, I learnt that many autoimmune diseases are linked to our gut. If you, like me, were given antibiotics in the last few years, you may benefit from taking extra care for your gut. Fermented food could be really beneficial. Sauerkraut is regularly served on my table.

4. Are you a grazer? Yes I am. A bad one – one that used to graze on biscuits and chocolate. A good one – one that now grazes on nuts (Brazil nuts and walnuts), dried fruit (mainly prunes) and superfoods (e.g. avocado, blueberries). It’s a very simple but a very beneficial change to make as you simply graze on nutrients: vitamins and protein. Of course if you’re not a grazer then do not even try to be one – just add some nuts to your breakfast.

5. Water. I used to be a heavy coffee drinker. A couple of weeks ago I decided to break this habit too. I knew that my energy levels were improving as I was leaving half-full cups of coffee all over the house. Not drinking it – not needing it. I replaced the coffee with cold water. Now water is all that I need to feel refreshed in the middle of the afternoon when my energy drops slightly.

6. It’s only now, almost three years from my pregnancy, 6 months after I started looking after myself that I feel I can take on heavier workout and seriously look after my body. Is there anyone who you like exercising with? My sister has recently recommended Focus T25, which is a cardio 25 minutes workout per day for 5 days, I have tried it and loved it.

Just recently, during our first meeting, my nutritionist gave me a piece of advice. She suggested that I should create a positive mantra that would describe myself in good health with great energy. The mantra could be as simple as I am health. The psychological effect behind repeating it is similar to that of a placebo effect. If we think that we are healthy or that we are heading the right direction in our recovery our brain starts producing the necessary chemicals which support the process. I am healthy and vigorous – that’s my mantra. What would yours be? Where do you get your energy from?

Have patience to walk in small steps until you have the wings to fly.

Francis de Sales

Holidaying in this space

Not many people read blogs during the summer so it feels like I’m going against the grain here by coming back from my break in writing. A lot has been happening over the past few months and part of me wants to take a good stock of it. So I’ll be holidaying in this space and a few posts will appear here this summer.

This is a simple list of thoughts and experiences that I just wanted to log that are not only about today but also about the last few months.

Making: sense of my multicultural experiences on the pages of my thesis
Cooking: simple chicken dishes with olive oil, fresh tomatoes, garlic and basil
Drinking: jugs of water
Reading: once again The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck; Masterpieces of literary reportage by Ryszard Kapuscinski, Last Child in The Woods by Richard Louv
Wanting: what I have
Looking: at the growing man on my side
Playing: shake, shake, shake – it’s just about shaking pretty much everything these days
Wasting: perhaps a bit too much money on books these months
Sewing: is about to be outsourced to a tailor – winter coats need mending
Wishing: well to people nearby and afar
Enjoying: gluten-free diet
Waiting: no more, there is no time to waste
Liking: this video about self-compassion being even more important than self-esteem, Jesper Juul, Hozier and Gipsy Kings
Wondering: what to write in this space
Loving: English charity shops
Hoping: to complete this list
Marvelling: at my son’s strength
Needing: stronger backbone to lift the pre-school attendee
Smelling: blackcurrants
Wearing: summer
Following: you ;)
Noticing: how much can be gained through a face-to-face dialogue
Knowing: myself much better than 4 years ago
Thinking: a lot about languages, cultures, modern families, nutrition and growing broad beans
Feeling: optimistic
Bookmarking: quotes on patience and perseverance
Opening: many packs of raisins for my little boy
Giggling: every evening when the summer heat subsides and the air cools down

and one addition:

Missing: I was missing writing for this space. I think I have grown quite a lot through my previous blogging experiences and it has always felt like a privilege to be part of this creative community. It’s great to pop in for a while.

The taking stock list and a template was made by Pip at Meet Me at Mike‘s. Go and visit her lovely space.

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