Never worry alone

Apparently one of the reasons why smart people underperform is because they worry alone or they worry with the wrong people. So this coming year I’d like to suggest that instead of making a resolution list (or alongside it) we create a list of things that we really need some or a lot of help with, and commit ourselves to force, yes, force ourselves to actively ask for that help.

Over the last few months I have matured enough to understand that there are times in life when we need to look for help, and have the courage to request it. We have to be adult enough to do it, and be prepared to pay for it too in money and/or ego, but really we must learn to ask for help. It’s part of life, part of being a human being. Requesting help has nothing to do with laziness, but it has a lot to do with good judgment, with having a good understanding of where we are and what our circumstances, capabilities, limits and stumbling blocks are.

The language of requesting for help is a new sort of language for me, but this year I’ve been humbly learning to start using it. It’s liberating not having to worry all alone. Try it.

In the New Year, let’s have the courage to ask for help.

Freedom comes first

When my son was born many people were asking me about my wishes for him, about who I would like him to become, about who I would like him to be. As much as I like people to ask me questions, I disliked being asked about this one. It disagreed with my conviction that these little beings are separate beings and it is to freedom that we are bringing them up and that it is freedom that first and foremost we should allow them to experience. You see, our children are institutionalized from such an early age, their growth is formalized and lifestyle made formulaic. They need space and time that is free from our influences, and free from others. They need space and time where all that they hear is the chatter of their own minds. Uncluttered time, uncluttered from our wishes for them, however well-meaning they are.

At some stage I was really provoked by someone to answer this question: Who you would like your son to be? So I answered: I know that my ambition for my son is really my ambition for myself. If you hear me saying that I would like him to be a writer and a peace-maker, you know that this is really what I want for myself so I will be pushing myself to create the best sentences I can and pushing myself to learn the art of conflict-resolution, I will not be training my child in it. All that I need to do is to give him space for his own dreams and ambitions to emerge and flourish. Freedom comes first and our ambitions for our children can really lead us to understand what ambitions we have for ourselves.

So if they want to run, let them run.

Experiencing freedom

It’s terribly difficult (or maybe even impossible) to learn or taste freedom if we stay indoors. Freedom is born through movement and exploration, through distance and a change of focus. Freedom often comes from having the time to be on your own, from having the time and space that doesn’t involve any sort of control, neither us being controlled or us controlling others. Nature is perfect for this. Perhaps it is its total acceptance of us that is so liberating. We can simply run, poke a stick in the sand and chase the butterflies. No internet connection will break, no adverts will try and sell things to us and no message will leave us disturbed for the whole morning. Those things all stay indoors.

I need to keep on reminding myself that it’s the time outside that guarantees the experience of freedom and makes for a healthy and happy family. You too?

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