Tag: Fatherhood

Bringing up toddlers with relevant books

studyingReading is what I do for a good part of my week. Partially because of my research, but also out of habit. If I don’t read daily, I feel a hunger for words and ideas.

However, I wouldn’t call last year the most nourishing reading-wise. I read far too many guides on how to be a better mum that made me actually feel confused and not up for the job. My child entered the ‘terrible twos’ a few months back. He became more demanding. Playtime needs more effort now. The titles that I read then were not giving me the guidance that I sought, simply because they were not practical enough.

I wanted to know more about how to play with a two-year old, how to organize our time together and I was in need of having a good range of games and entertainments up my sleeve that would be safe and appropriate for his age. I thought I was a fairly imaginative person, but the things that I was coming up with were not always enthusiastically received by my little and headstrong bundle of energy.

I’ve done some searching and have come across a few fabulous titles that both my husband and I are really taken with. We pick a few activities out of these books and it’s great to see how our son responds to them and plays along. The same happens when I try them out in one of the playgroups for small kids that I run every so often.

I know that some of you have children in a similar age group so I thought I should write a short series of posts with book recommendations. I am pretty sure that some of these titles you’ll be happy to have on your shelves too.

The first post in the Book Recommendations Series will appear at the beginning of next week.

One thing that for certain makes you a better parent

a boy chasing a duck
The longer I am a mum of my little toddler, the more I am convinced that there is mainly one thing that helps you become a better, more sensible and more loving parent and that thing is… sleep.

The more you get it, the more patient you are, the more energetic you are and the more adventurous and willing in organising your toddler’s time.

My toddler’s sleeping routine is still uneven but has recently greatly improved. His daytime sleep has also regulated itself. I suspect that three elements contributed to his better sleeping routine:
Activity: he runs around more and plays around in the garden
Diet: there’s more meat in his diet
Emotional Security: he comfortably borrowed his daddy’s big pillow to sleep on.

With this new sleeping pattern emerges a happier, stronger and more confident mama, and the stronger the mama, the better for the whole household.

So I’ll be finishing this post now. My toddler is having his afternoon nap, I’ll have it too.

 

I’ve told you. You should have listened to mummy!

listen to mummy_photo by Postcards without stamps

I’ve told you. You should have listened to mummy!

BEYOND THE PRICE TAG, THERE’S LIFE

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There is not a single day when I don’t think about how to bring up my son, what example to set, what values to instil, what interests and talents to nourish. My choices will affect him. My choices are affecting him already.

I’m giving him a lot of freedom and I see a very curious and independent boy developing before my eyes. I talk a lot to him and I see a willing communicator emerging. I cook for him and as he stirs the pots and smells the food on the stoves I can tell that the love of cooking has been awakened in him. But I also see a boy who finds it hard to fall asleep without one of his parents next to him (because making him fall asleep in the cot was just too hard for us), a boy who demands Peppa Pig just after his dinner (because it’s much easier for his parents to clean up when the computer is on), a boy who doesn’t always take no as an answer and is very willing to explain his reasons for doing things and negotiate his rights (and he’s not even two yet… oh, long disputes before us). So I am observing and I am wondering about the future… about the years that I have with my child… about those often fleeting hours during which I can make a difference to how he sees the world… to how he understands it… to how he engages with it.

Often I get overwhelmed and confused at what I should be doing, often I just want to leave things to take their own course and just simply go about our daily life and most often this is the best option but not always… not always.

There are things that need to be shown to our children. There are things that must be experienced and made tangible. There are values that we must impress upon them and we must make an effort to do it. There are habits that we must develop. This is what parental guidance is. Parental guidance is not only about the cuddles before the sleep, it’s also about attending to the much hated habit of brushing teeth after dinner, it’s about saying no when the need arises, it’s about teaching “I’m sorry” and “Thank you” and it’s about switching off the TV after 20 minutes because it’s time for bed. It’s about those small things.. and the big ones too like hard-work, tolerance, patience, caring, perseverance, love. This is how we secure their future… by attending to seemingly insignificant details in life, to their values and to their characters.

When adults talk about securing their children future, they mean money. They always do, as if money was the ultimate gift – the antidote to insecurities, the best problem-solving tool. I feel sorry for the child for whom this is actually the truth as that means that they got themselves into debt while still playing in the sandpit…. gambling with stones, the bucket and the spade, I imagine.

Children don’t need money in their sandpits. They already have the tools and skills to feel secure. Let’s not push money and stuff down their throats telling them that they need goods to feel happy, to engage with the world and to solve their problems. The world is theirs already. The grass. The trees. The bread. The honey. The sea. It is theirs.

I want to go deeper than the price tag. Not to ignore it but to see beyond it. Because there is life beyond the price tag. Real people that touch the Earth and its gifts and creations, tangible processes and experiences, hands that work, knees that bend, heads that drop, eyes that inspect, fingers that pick. For there is life beyond the price tag, real people that touch the Earth.

Honey is not only something that can be bought for £4.15 a jar in a local supermarket. I want my son to have the awareness of this, of how it’s made and where it comes from. I want him to get the story behind the jar. To see busy bees on flowers, beehives, honeycombs, and the bee-keepers and their veiled hats. It is my duty as a parent to help my son to see and understand this. To sow the grass with him. To plant the tree with him. To make bread together and to show him a beehive. To take him to the seaside, to see a boat, fish, nets and the fisherman. For this is life.

Security comes from a firm standing on the ground, from a firm understanding of who we are and where we belong to… and we belong here – to this world, to this Earth. I want my son to touch it. To see it. To live with it. To understand that the Earth is his and that he is its.

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Back to writing earlier than expected. :) Hope you’ve enjoyed this post. x

Family Life: New Spaces (click to read)

Child in public places(1)

Where does a child belong? Where is his or her space? At school?  At home? In their room?

I’d like to think of children as belonging to a wider space, to things larger than their family, to contexts atypical of the one at home. To my surprise, when children are exposed to new environments their responses tend to be the same: they enjoy being elsewhere, they love noticing and experiencing new places. The need to wander, explore, touch and appropriate the new is in them. It’s inherent. It’s ingrained. But do we really and truly understand this need? Have you ever walked through the city and looked for a parking space for your child? The one that’s assigned for them. So that they do not disturb? So that they do not intrude?

Places and spaces have their purposes: some are just practical and comfortable, others do much more, they bring about perspective, tranquility and wisdom. Let’s allow children to be present in all of them.

Kedleston Hall, Derbyshire. Permission granted by The National Trust.
Kedleston Hall, Derbyshire. Permission granted by The National Trust.