Curiosity builds community

Hundreds of emotions run through my body every time when my friends are telling me about leaving the UK and moving back to Poland. The longing for my country, the nostalgia for its customs and landscape, the love for my family and their way of life. Time has not been able to change those emotions, but what I am very grateful for is that it has managed to add new ones too.

I was travelling today through one of the busiest and most multicultural areas in my town. I was looking at people of different ethnic origins and cultures shopping for fruit and vegetables together, chatting and greeting each other at the street and on the bus stops. Immigrants, locals and newcomers all in one place. I looked at them and felt deep love for all of them. They’ve been forming me for the last ten years, letting me get to know them in everyday situations. They’ve been enriching me beyond measure. They’ve been educating me beyond measure and been stretching my identity beyond the borders of my Polish upringing. In so many ways I am them now and they are me.

On Saturday I took my son to a local hardresser. He was a young man, probably not even in his thirties, originally from Iraq. To my astonishment he started speaking to us in fluent Polish. To me this confirms that we are reaching out towards each other and that we like to learn of each other’s cultures. People have been always curious about people… and if that curiosity is removed, through whatever means, we will lose our ability to evolve as a society. We must remain curious of each other. We must want to get to know each other.

The other day I heard someone saying on the radio: “I wasn’t born in Scotland; but Scotland was born in me.” I think I can easily use those words to say: I wasn’t born multcultural, but multiculturalism was born in me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmTV62mE1PA”>

To make the ground firmer

A while ago I travelled to my little village in Poland, to the place where I grew up. Going back to Poland used to mean refreshing my old dreams, things that as a child I promised myself I would do in life; it meant checking up on those aspirations that in my teenage years I drafted for myself, it meant going through some sort of evaluation process that I usually didn’t score that well against or getting a reminder of where I was meant to be going.

The last visit was different. I didn’t hear the voice of my old self – that voice has nothing to say. It was as if I’ve eventually become the person who I always wanted to be or maybe I’ve eventually become happy with who I am and what I am doing. It was as if I’ve pleased my old self and now it’s chapter two… not yet written.

So it’s time for a big move and other life-changing experiences, I thought to myself. It’s natural to crave for them and I do see that many of my close friends are getting ready for those moves so I quite naturally wonder if those changes are also for me. Would I like to move from where I live and from what I am doing here in our little town in the middle of the UK and would I like to start building our family life elsewhere? After a long internal conversation, self-questioning and heart-checking I’ve decided I don’t, at least not now. My heart does not crave for a new-starter-sort-of-change. I think I am passed that step. I am really longing for deeper community, for closer friendships, for stronger engagement in the life of my town and my neighbourhood. I want to be more involved in what’s happening at my son’s nursery and other places that we visit and go to. I think I want laughter and jokes and stories and food eaten and cooked together. I think I want to build bonds and be more present in the life of others. I see many opportunities for my family here. There are many friendly people and many friendly spaces in the Midlands, I just need to learn to drive to them…

Nothing New: Too big to be eaten alone

My neighbour is one of the most generous people I’ve met in the UK. She’s always got something to give, share or offer starting from time and tea, through to garden flowers, toys or even pieces of old furniture. What her body language and attitude communicates is…

…that there’s always something that we can give, that there is always something we can share…

Isn’t this true for all of us? I haven’t bought anything new for myself or my son this year and we still have enough… enough books to spread around, enough items of clothing to give to charity shops, enough toys to donate to poorer children, enough jackets to give to those in need… we have enough…

…because last year I was buying new things and a year before too, and two and three and four years ago as well…

…because we’ve been receiving presents this year, last year and two and three years ago too…

…because we and our family members have been sentimental about our childhood and adolescence and we’ve got those things too, things that are much older than our son, things that come from our past, things that are as old as we are… we’ve got them too.

And so we are full, our house is full, our life is full.

Some of you may say that this is a perfect state of being, that this is self-sufficiency, that you don’t need to borrow and that you don’t need to be too ingenious about dealing with your daily life, because for so many of us, a lot equals security, a lot means being safe…. and it’s so easy to believe it… so easy to think that… and to store, and to hoard, and to collect and to gather, and to keep and to hold on to… and to store, and to hoard, and to collect and to gather, and to keep and to hold on to… and it goes on again.

Our grandparents used to do that because they didn’t have enough… because they had plans for those items… because they knew what will happen with them. Often every one of them.

We do that because we think that we don’t have enough and because we must have it… because we feel insecure without having it all. The thing is as individuals we should not be really striving to have it all because as a society we have enough, we can swap and share the goods that we have, we can borrow from each other, from the libraries, from hire centers. There is no crime in doing this as long as we respect the goods that are available and treat them as if it was our pocket that paid for them, as if it was our hard work that purchased them.

Just yesterday our close friends came to our house to borrow some garden chairs for their party. We had a tea together, we had a chat together and we shared our news and ideas. Sharing created an additional opportunity for socialising, a spontaneous occasion to get-together…. Don’t we long for them?

This cake of goods that we store in our rooms, garages, garden sheds and attics is too big to be eaten alone… It’s time to invite others to the table.

The Life of a Market: At the Greengrocer’s

Boxes, crates and bags full of fresh fruit and vegetables are flying before my eyes. It’s early Saturday morning in the Market Hall in Derby and Rob Corden, a well-known greengrocer in the Midlands, is setting up his stall for a busy trading day. I learn from him later that he woke up that morning at 2:50am to go to the regional wholesale market to select the freshest foods for his customers. This made me realise how little I know of his trade and so I decided to find out more…

I learn that he is one of the few greengrocers who gets fully involved in the selection process of his products. Many others just phone their order through without examining the food. Rob doesn’t want to compromise the quality and freshness of his fruit and vegetables. It’s too important for him.

Rob comes from a family of greengrocers. His grandfather was a greengrocer and his father is too. Despite being educated to be an engineer, in his early thirties he decided to take over his father’s business. He’d been observing his dad since he was 5 so in his thirties he was more than well-prepared for the trade. Now he is also introducing his son to the art. It’s a family business and the warmth and family-like atmosphere is easily felt. I take my little boy there every week and he loves to observe the hustle and bustle of the market.

Those people in the market in the middle of Derby are great teachers to our children because they love what they are doing, because they are happy about their products and passionate about their work and that means that they live their lives well.

When I talk to Rob he tells me that he loves what he’s doing. You sense it from him: he knows his stuff, he’s informed. He says it’s because over the years he’s never stopped learning. There is always something to discover about food and there is always something to discover about people. Their tastes and preferences change. There are different trends and fads in the food business. There are new laws and new regulations. There are weather fluctuations that affect the quality and prices. There’s a lot to think of. There’s a lot to plan for.

When we visit the market Rob advises us what to try and how to cook it. He also tells us stories of the past and present and eagerly listens to ours because he believes that this is what buying in the market is about… about following each other’s trials and tribulations, about creating bonds within the same city, about sharing and exchanging slices of life within its community. It’s about having a very wholesome conversation face to face with different people… and talking over fruit and vegetables is just so easy… there’s no ice to break… no conventions to follow… just a banana to peel or a crispy apple to bite into.

Accepting old earth: a word about identity (read the postcard)

Identity is a big word. One that grows significantly in size the moment we leave our country – this is usually when we start feeling slightly uncomfortable wearing our own background. We notice the labels attached to nationalities, those that belittle and misrepresent them and we become afraid of being labeled too. We feel trapped or challenged or ashamed or just uncertain to the point that we are unwilling to admit who we are, where we are from and what we did in the past. Because we don’t want to be categorized. Because we don’t want to be judged. Because we don’t want to feel ashamed.

I used to feel like this and then I seriously questioned myself: ‘Why do I feel this discomfort? Why am I so stressed? Do I need to be so stressed?’ At the time I did not find a thought that would comfort me. Until I did a very sensible thing and signed up to a literature module called European Encounters, European Lives (led by Dr Christine Berberich) which successfully pushed my boundaries of (self)understanding. There we read texts about trauma, memory, displacement and lost or denied identity. We felt the anguish of those who experienced the First and Second World Wars and were by circumstances forced to live elsewhere and that sometimes this elsewhere was not much more accepting of who they were than the place where they came from. We talked about surnames being changed or appropriated to the new location and we read of the often tragically damaging and irreversible consequences such identity change had for their owners. Withdrawal. Depression. Worse.

This is when I learnt that one of the nicest gifts you can give to yourself and everyone else is the gift of acceptance. Acceptance of where you and they come from, of the values that you cherish and the languages you speak. It’s the only right thing to do: to embrace identity for what it is. If your identity is monocultural, embrace it, don’t try to make it fit in, it will fit in anyway; if your identity is multicultural, embrace it too, don’t deny yourself your multicultural roots, cherish them for what they are and don’t worry, it will fit in anyway. There is no need to be selective about identity, there is no need to choose one. There is no need to reject yourself and there is no need to reject others. The world is superdiverse. Our communities are superdiverse…

We have extensive root systems and like plants we need a bit of old earth to settle well in a new environment. We need to be accepting of that old earth. On that earth we grow and blossom, our children grow and blossom and our neighbourhoods too. Towards the new and towards each other…

Yorkshire, UK

Lombardy, Italy

Wielkopolska, Poland

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: