If I told you that I have 98 audiobooks in my Audible account, you would most likely drop off your seat. If I told you that I nearly weigh as much too, you then, I guess, would uncomfortably displace yourself in your armchair trying to find a suitable position to hold the ground to absorb and digest the news. You then would most likely predict that since Audible compresses its files rather nicely, I do not feel the discomfort around the amount of listening items I accumulated over the years, but I do feel it when it comes to the weight I have gained. Here compression comes slowly and with much more effort, so it seems.

The pressure to talk about weight and obesity in society is huge, especially if you are a person who is suffering from it and no, I do not think it is a sign of great maturity to talk about it without boundaries. In fact, in my opinion, talking about obesity can exacerbate the problem. How can I explain it? It’s a little bit like talking about your ex or a job interview that went wrong or sensitivities that we sense other people possess and that have not been fully absorbed or as Matt Kay from The Centre of Healing in Australia would call them, they could be small traumas or undigested life experiences. Some topics, simply, are no go zones if they are not handled with care by a specialist because they are other people’s psychological fields and in all honesty we should not be going there if we are not invited and/or we are not sure if we could handle the topic aptly.

And I can hear some people saying: ‘But this is all I want to talk to her about?’. Then I would ask: Why? I have just told you that I have 98 audiobooks on my Audible, why don’t you want to talk about that?

A skilled interviewer puts an interviewee in a good light if the aim of the interviewer is to strengthen the interviewee. What if the aim is the opposite? How would you make a person feel less able?

Conversations have intentions.

What’s the one behind the topic of obesity? Intentions vary, in my opinion, and I am not quite happy to be at the receiving end of that variety.

That said, if you want to be a friend, a gentleman or simply be perceived as a cultured person, what would it mean to handle the topic well? I can’t speak for all, but I know what I would be happy with in this situation.

1. Figure out what the person wants to talk about.

2. Talk about that.

3. If a topic of obesity has been triggered, see if it was triggered by you looking at the person’s stomach, double-chin, etc. If it was triggered by your stare, then the person did not want to talk about it. They are trying to escape judgement and will not want to talk to you again.

4. People who are overweight or obese have other interests and a sense of humour. Find out what they are. See a human.

5. Back off. There is enough advice online and many specialists. In fact, it’s probably best to say, that you are not after this type of conversation and you would like to talk about something that interests both of you but you liked, enjoyed reading this or that on that topic. And then move on, don’t linger, do not go into sensitive psychological areas.

6. And no, it is not OK to say: ‘You are not looking after yourself enough.’ This is finger-pointing. This is not care. It is much nicer to say: ‘Friend, when did you have a truly nurturing weekend last time? One that nurtured your body and soul.’ You are more likely to hear then what the real reasons behind the overeating are and no one will feel pushed or blamed. Who knows, it might be even possible that you both discover that a simple car purchase has affected their lifestyle considerably and they haven’t made reasonable adjustments to their diet to account for that change. You may also remind your friend what was it that sustained them in the past. Where did that they find their plenitude and what, if anything, they are missing?

On my Audible, I have these three titles on the topic of health, food and obesity. One in English and one in Polish:

• Oprah Winfrey & M.D. Ph.D. Ania M. Jastreboff, Enough. Your Health, Your Weight, and What It’s Like to Be Free.
• Dalej Martyna Wojciechowska, Single episodes on the topic.
• Jamie Oliver, Reset Your Health

I enjoy them. I can intellectually relate to them and appreciate their point of view and honest intentions:

• care

• understanding

• strong mind and body.

• fulfilling life.

So back to the theme on this blog that I want to write about, i.e. focusing on emptying, I am not going to talk about empty calories here. I do not want to talk about my weight at length publicly but if you want to talk about your weight in those terms, how can you do it without making yourself anxious? Perhaps by calling them ‘public vulnerabilities’ if that’s the case. Carrying the whole lot on one’s shoulders is a lot to take on.

Food is essential but it cannot replace everything. It can bring joy and comfort but it’s not everything.

I’ll finish with this poem. Let me know your thoughts on this.

Could we make dinner for two

A soup or warm noodles?

So that steam tickles our nostrils

And chest takes deep breaths of goodness.

Could we make dinner for two?

It won't take long

And it won't be expensive

But the plates will choose to live

A bit fuller.

Alicja Pyszka-Franceschini, 2026

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