Observing the city, imagining people

I’ve always had a lot of respect for History and Education and that is why I like visiting Oxford so much. An opportunity came last week for us to go there and so we did. I must admit when I am in Oxford I breathe deeper, my senses are sharper and I walk around the city all happy.

I imagine these brilliant minds committed to their subjects, devouring their books, excited about learning and discoveries, often terribly frustrated about their lack of progress. I imagine great debates and seas of questioning, heavy timetables and a rush to complete the next book chapter or lab work. I imagine all this and I like my thoughts. My soul approves of this daydreaming.

Last week I was walking around the city again, and again I looked up at the buildings and I sighed in awe and admiration. My toddler shouted in contentment too… at a few very attractively deep and murky puddles that he saw on the university ground. ‘Right. Reality check,’ I thought to myself.

Look up and down (and sideways too).

Success and community

“It takes twenty years to be an overnight success.” Eddie Cantor, performer

I keep on reminding myself of this quote every time I start a new project. It’s never easy to create something valuable and lasting. It’s never easy to create something that will be well-received, stretching and useful at the same time. Last week I started a new project in our community aimed at Polish children. I wanted the children and parents to meet, sing, read poems and do some craft together. Sounds simple, but it’s not. Children are more unpredictable than I thought and my own child is too. I was able to foresee that he might not want to participate in some activities and that he will try to taste most things, but what I didn’t predict was that he will be regularly running out of the room to press the exit button for wheelchair users to open the main door of the centre. So, as you can imagine, this combined with the efforts to advertise, plan and execute the event didn’t make the job very easy.

Nonetheless, I have made a commitment to create something for the local community and so I will press on (just like my toddler with the door button).

I have chosen a community centre in my neighbourhood rather than a Polish church or a Polish club for the event because I do like when communities venture beyond their comfort zones and when they engage with different places. I think it’s very important not to confine ourselves. It’s liberating. I also believe that once the small children will feel comfortable with coming to the centre to do the Polish activities, they will become happier at attending other activities too (those that are aimed at all children).

What’s more, I have chosen my area because there is nothing more heart-warming than living in a socially accessible neighbourhood. It makes a big difference to our daily sense of contentment. It makes us perceive the world in brighter colours too and reduces anxieties about the people who live a street away from us. Someone told me the other day that they don’t like walking down their street because they don’t know the people who occupy the houses there. Is this fear not something that we should try to counter? Don’t you think that it’s true that we perceive streets to be nicer and friendlier if we know at least one person who lives on those streets? Neighbourhood activities make sense, don’t they? Even if the only thing that they do is to reduce our fear of walking to the bus stop.

Anyhow, I hope I will rise to the challenge of entertaining toddlers and that it will take me less than twenty years…

Any ideas of how I can do it?

Neighbourhood – an anonymous group of strangers?

A while ago I really started to suffer from being anonymous. I’ve been living in the area where I live now for a few years and the fact that I don’t know even the names of people who live on my street has started really getting me down. When you give birth to a child, you realise the importance of a community, anonymity is depressing – you want to know people and you want the people to know your child so that they can also keep an eye on his safety. But equally you want to look after other children too, as if the sheer fact of you becoming a parent made you a parent to other children too.

Are you not tired of not knowing your neighbours? Are you not tired of being impersonal? Are you not tired of shallow and occasional nods and greetings? I am. It’s certainly not the way I want to live my life. It’s certainly not how I want to bring my child up – within an anonymous group of strangers

Often.. I feel that we’re failing as social human beings. Look at our homes – they are like hotel rooms perched in the same corridor and we just see the other residents when they lock or unlock their doors or sweep their front doormat (that ironically often have ‘Welcome!’ written on it). We cannot treat our neighbours as if we or they were here only for a night. We live here – 52 weeks a year! In this borough, in this street, next to each other! We must do something to get to know each other better. To engage in a community at our doorstep.

I believe that one of the reasons why so many people complain about multicultural society is precisely because we do not spend time with our neighbours. We do not have or make occasions to meet them. What do we do, for example, to find out information? We search the Internet… What if we run out of milk, salt or sugar? We drive to that 24 hour supermarket. In the past it would be neighbours, friends or family at whose doors we would knock without hesitation… We would visit them or call them, they would instruct us, teach us, help us… Now these are the faceless, impersonal tools that we choose or are compelled to choose. Another lost or reduced opportunity in making a human connection with those who are in our proximity, with those who live nearby.

And our children? Why do we keep them indoors? Why do we place them in front of screens all the time? It really doesn’t take that much time to visit the nearest playground. Even 15 minutes a day on a slide can make a new friend to your son or daughter. Take your children out, venture to your local children or community centres, go to the local park, use the playground. They are there for us to be used. They are there for us to visit.

It’s possible to create a community. We just need to meet and talk. We need to create opportunities for conversation and for spending time together. It’s the only condition. There is a limit to the extent to which we can develop on our own… we need groups of people to overcome our limitations, we need each other to realise those limitations, to become truly human we need each other. Call me idealistic, but I really would like to change my neighbourhood and improve myself with it.

In the middle of the week friends visited our house, we ate together, our children played together, we laughed and talked. Usually the middle of the week can feel quite heavy and daunting, that evening was uplifting, it made us feel loved and connected. It made us belong.

I like to get that feeling from walking down my street… that pleasant feeling of belonging and being part of something bigger than myself. Wouldn’t you?

Belief and Doubt

“Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is – it is her shadow.”

– Ambrose Bierce

What do we truly want from our lives?

I took a break from writing this blog to fill myself up with good experiences and as I was resting, exploring and nourishing myself and my body I’ve realised how depleting our current lifestyles are – those ways of life that we choose to live in our Western society: choosing walls instead of being outdoors, choosing screens instead of faces, choosing plasticated and pre-prepared food instead of a wholesome self-made dinner, choosing an additional cup of coffee instead of additional two hours of sleep, choosing to race through days instead of experiencing them… The body registers those choices and so no wonder it relentlessly directs us towards other ones through aches, pains, and tiredness – the signals that we should be thankful for as they remove the guilt for wanting to rest, for wanting to go against the mad and pushy current of modern life, for wanting to opt out.

Having a break is a good thing, taking the time to look after ourselves, our health and our family’s health is a good thing. It reminds us what a good life tastes of, how meaningful our interactions and relationships with people are, how our family life should look like, how our spiritual life should be. We begin to recognize again which truth comes from within us and not from adverts or some silly peer pressures. It has got this power to free us from dubious and shallow chatter that we, willingly or not, witness, hear or participate in, from those conversations that take our attention away from what we really love, from what we really believe in, from what we really want to do and what we really want to be like.

I think we really and truly want to be good people. But maybe sometimes we forget that this is the ultimate aim of our existence here, maybe sometimes we are told that there are other things that we should be fighting for and we allow ourselves to be persuaded by this stupid, manipulative and limiting narrative which tries to convince us that no one cares anymore and that the way to go is not to care, which, of course, is a total nonsense. So many people care! So many people give! So many people love! So many people share! So many people give their best out of them! So many people forgive!

I took a break from the fishy narratives and I’ve braced myself with goodness, with wholesome treats of my mum’s thinking and cooking, with refreshing fruit of my dad’s orchard and the calming vastness of the meadows and fields in my Polish village.

It’s been a month of detox for me, detox from false believes that as an individual I cannot make a difference, that I don’t have enough to make a difference, that I don’t have the ability to do it or that the world will go its own way even if I try to go the opposite direction. The world is not a hostile place that mysteriously turns its back on us just because we try, the world responds to our attempts, watches them carefully. It just needs time to be persuaded. The difficulty with doing what you believe in is in that the world, general public or even our friends, are often not persuaded by the process, but by a result. The process takes time and without support it’s difficult to have the endurance, strength and resources to complete the work. There are now so many people that are ‘in that process’ of making the world a better place, of making sure that we live in a cleaner, safer, and more equal planet – we should support them with our time, money or at least a good word. It takes time to create something good, something of value. It’s the process that needs our cheering and patience. The result will speak for itself.

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