I know Autumn is over but I just couldn’t resist posting this photograph. Just love this colour. I’ll be talking about different views on buying second-hand goods in my next post and I’ll give you an update on how a life without a luxury feels so far. Till then my friends.
Tag: Life
What Has Happened To This World?
Weather-wise, it was a typical day for England. A little foggy and drizzly. I arrived with two bulky suitcases that did not actually contain too much. Some clothes, some shoes, some documents and notes. Most of the space in one of the suitcases was occupied by a massive and very heavy Oxford English Dictionary – a symbol of my dedication to mastering the English language and a continuous and nagging reminder of how much I still need to learn. At the time, this dictionary was the only materialistic possession that really mattered to me and regardless of its weight I had to drag it along with me.
I was never a very practical type. More of a dreamer, adventure-seeker, hungry to see what’s beyond the horizon of my little but picturesque village in Poland, hungry for knowledge and new experiences, always thirsty for doing things by my own, finding out the truths for myself. I wanted to experience life elsewhere with my own skin, touch it with my own hands, enjoy it with my own soul. Just to live and pursue the dream of learning and finding out. Speaking English was not just a symbol of freedom and adventure. It was a swipe card that opened more than one world and enabled me to explore more than one reality. Amazing things happened ever since I put my foot beyond our Polish boarder. I looked after two Nigerian children while working as an Au-pair, wore a pink Thai dress while a waitress at a Thai restaurant, poured Fosters while bar-tending with Australians, celebrated the year of the Dragon with my Chinese students, devoured pieces of Black British writing at university, dipped bread in a fragrant curry while sitting on the floor with my Afghan friends, I sang nursery rhymes in Greek to my son’s best friend and celebrated my son’s baptism with our dearest friends of other beliefs.
But why am I writing this? I’ve been listening to the news and looking at the headlines and I’m getting concerned… it is alarming to see that attitudes against diversity are being promoted and are spreading around the world. For what reason?
The globe has been wounded and scared many times by attitudes similar to those. The trees of our genealogy are witnesses to those events. Many people went through great efforts and reconciliation processes because they wanted to learn to love again. And they did. And they love. And they cherish. And they care. Most of us individually have not experienced severe hatred, we haven’t been exposed to maltreatment at the hands of others – so my questions are: Why are so many hearts around the world closing? Are padlocks in fashion or something?
3 Myths That Block Progress for The Poor: Bill Gates’ Annual Open Letter (Link)
I seem to be coming across very illuminating articles recently. Here is one that is wonderfully enlightening and fully informative. It is a must-read. Please do share it further. It’s good to dispel doubts and clarify confusions: 3 Myths That Block Progress for The Poor – Annual Open Letter by Bill Gates.
Lasting friendships
My friend is moving. To the other side of the big pond. She will take with her caring family, love of beauty and her sensitive and reflective mothering. Her sense of humour, passion for reading and timely wisdoms thrown at me just at the drop of a hat. She’ll move and from then on we will only be able to have virtual cups of tea when the time change or our owl-like natures permit.
This has been happening to me quite often ever since I settled in England. Different characters and personalities cross my life and our living room, share with us their life events, moments of joy and sadness, jokes and frustrations but eventually venture further to explore different realities and live different lives. It’s difficult to nurture those friendships… divided by space, time and daily routines. We try though… by emails, cards and messages sent now and again, occasional get-togethers, chats and phone-calls… because we miss them, those exchanges of common interests and problems, being part of their lives and their contribution to ours. It often takes to be removed from one’s reality to understand how valuable and enriching our relationships were… how much we’ve been learning from them and how much of a better person we became through them.
When I moved from Poland and decided to study here, I was missing my friends so so dearly. All of them… and you know what… this feeling hasn’t changed. I still miss them. They are still in my thoughts and they are still my reference points, I still see myself somehow in them and through them… starting from those in my primary school through to those that I met at later stages of my education and through various other experiences. I just think that it’s impossible to forget a friend. Lose touch with, yes, that’s possible but forgetting is not. And I think that often this is what we are afraid of, of being forgotten, or of being not loved by them as much as in the past. And perhaps they fear that too.
I met once a very eminent senior academic and had a chance to have dinner with him. Over a plate with nice hot food and glasses of wine, he told us stories… of his friends. His whole conversation was filled with friends. You very quickly realised that they were his focus and his life and what a wonderful focus to have! I expected (and feared slightly) a conversation laden with reflections on politics, literature and history or a strong focus on his academic work but no… as he was reminiscing with a pause to smile or laugh, it was becoming more and more apparent to me that this man is just living, breathing and enjoying his friendships… he was with those people mentally as much as he was physically with us…. he loved them dearly… and that love surpassed the distances that he had travelled.
There is a term in psychology called ‘mirroring’ and it refers to us subconsciously (or consciously) copying of gestures, language and emotional responses of others during our conversations. Apparently we tend to see people who mirror our emotional responses as more empathetic. [Therefore this ‘technique’ of mirroring is frequently recommended to parents who want to build a good relationship with their children… not to reject or disregard the feelings but to mirror them.] I am thinking of my close and long-distance friendships and I can see that yes, regardless of the distance, changes in our circumstance, developments, perhaps this is what we still want from our friendships and friends… to be able to ‘mirror’ us somehow. If sharing and being part of daily struggles is not possible, what else remains for us to do?
2014 – a year without a luxury
A few days ago I committed myself not to buy anything new in 2014 and to share the money saved with people who normally cannot afford new things (or just things). This initiative has been started by Sash, the writer of Inked in Colour, and I decided to make it part and parcel of my Caring 2014 project. I promised that I would give more details on how I intend to go about it. Sash has recently explained some of her rules so I am now in a good position to explain what this project will mean for my family.
I have spent the last few days thinking about this idea, pondering its possibilities and limitations and primarily who should be affected by this initiative. Should I involve my husband, should I consider things for my child as well, should I only focus on my purchasing habits? I decided now that I will not buy anything new for myself and my son and for the house, with one exception: my husband is half-way through fixing our kitchen at the moment and we have already ordered and purchased items for this purpose and thus I am excluding him and his DIY projects from my resolution. So when I say that I will not buy new things for the house I mean: decorations, blankets, pillows, candles, frames, calendars, flower pots, pictures, bits and pieces that I normally indulge in. Food, medicine, health and safety and hygiene items will not be affected by this challenge as it would be unreasonable to go without them.
So how will this project affect my purchasing habits? I am not going to buy any: books, cosmetics, clothes, CDs, shoes, jewellery, electronic equipment, stationery, films, notebooks… and my biggest pleasures in life.. cups of coffee in coffee shops and sweets… for once I want someone else to have the privilege of affording a cappuccino and a muffin every so often. I will also not buy any toys, gadgets, room accessories for my son and will try to use the clothes and shoes that he has already got (growth permitting). We’ll see if we have enough for this year.
I was asked if nothing new means that I can buy second-hand? My aim is not to buy anything. I do think that it’s wonderful to give a second life to a product. I see lots of good in buying used items, renovating them, restoring their original function and beauty or even improving their look. But I do have some doubts about buying second-hand goods and will share them with you in a separate post. In its original form this initiative allows for buying from second-hand shops. I intend to reuse, re-purpose, mend, sew and clean things that I have to make them last throughout this year and hopefully beyond it. I suspect that in doing so I will stop perceiving chores as unpleasant and burdensome routines but rather as much needed daily acts of care. So in many ways I see this project as transformative not only of my purchasing habits but also of my home and character.
How will I measure what I have saved? How will I know how much to donate? I am well aware of some of my purchasing habits and this awareness helps. For example, I would normally buy a cup of coffee and a sweet every time I meet a friend in town and when I travel away from home… so now every time when these happen, I will put the money that I would spend on those treats into the giving pot. For my other things, I will need to review my past purchases and planned purchases for this year to examine how much my indulgences are worth. I must trust that what I previously spent on luxuries would have been typical. I’ll decide in due course which charity, family or individuals I will donate to and will present rationale for my choice at some later stage.
So what can you expect from Postcards this year? Stories of success and potential failures, stories of people who care, debates on buying or not buying, reflections on different ways of caring for our families, relationships, health and the environment. Sometimes it will be an article with text, other times just pure photo(journalism). I am not setting any limitations on myself how often I will post. It won’t be daily, it might be weekly or biweekly… when the ideas mature.
All in all, I’ve got an impression that things will become much more manageable in 2014. I hope it will be like this for you too.
What are your thoughts about this initiative? Do you want to try?
Postcards Without Stamps 