Losing sleep and buying presents for new-to-parenthood adults

A new era has started in our house – an era of no afternoon sleep for our toddler (and no cat naps for me by the same token). It’s been on and off for the last three months but it looks like he has decided to drop it for good now. Every transition phase in a family life, even as small as this one, is challenging and tiring at the same time. A lot of miscommunication happens in transition phases – what I once understood as a sign of tiredness on the part of our little boy, now becomes a request for extra entertainment and I must admit it took me a while to grasp it, perhaps a tinge of denial clouded my parental perception, but it looks like I am now a mum of a small boy rather than a toddler. Could this be the case? So soon?

I suspect that our son is also confused by this new wave of energy that embraces him in the middle of each day. So when today, just after midday, my little companion turned into a roaring dinosaur and then into a savage shark that ferociously dived into the tormented sea of our duvet with no intention of reverting into a sweet and sleepy baby-boy the shark once was, I thought to myself that it’s probably a sign that we’re done with afternoon naps and it’s time for something else now…

More serious mothering… maybe? I noticed that there are many no’s to exchange now, more boundaries to set, new negotiations to engage in and I am slowly finding myself within this new parental landscape. But ‘slowly’ is not a word that goes well with being a mum of a 3 year-old. I have a very curious and a very fast son and I love this about him but recently I just find it really hard to keep his pace and you know, as a parent, it’s actually better if you’re a bit quicker than your child, a millisecond will suffice as long as that millisecond is there… And if you are as big a dreamer as I am, you are probably more than one zillion milliseconds behind.

There are two books that mainly helped me (and are still helping) with developing good communication habits with my son. I would not have any qualms in presenting these books as Christmas presents to new-to-parenthood adults. So if you have anyone around you with small children, do not hesitate investing in these two sources as they are really helpful and enlightening.

The first book is by Jesper Juul (2011) entitled Your Competent Child.

The second is by Janet Lansbury (2014) and is called No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame.

Two wonderful and helpful guides. They are really kind and understanding in tone and message and I cannot help but love what they recommend and how they explain the role of parenting and honest communication between children and parents. Of course, I do not necessarily read them as gospel, but I feel that they came to my life just at the right time.

Let me know if they do the trick for you and your loved-ones too. x

Follow your child’s gaze

Just before the night sets in I sit down on a bed with my little boy, we surround ourselves with a number of picture books and we look through the images and I read to him. Depending on how busy our day was and how alert we both are this little ritual of ours lasts from 15 minutes up to an hour. I love this daily encounter with different adventures, poems and stories but most of all I love this very peaceful time with my child and the feeling of unity that it creates.

Years ago I was wondering what it is about reading or rather following a particular story which creates this feeling of togetherness. I decided that the answer partially is held in our gaze. We look in the same direction. We see things together.

When we go about our days with my son I try to follow his gaze. I try to look where he looks so that I get to know him better, so that I learn what his interests are. I hope that through this he will find courage to stay true to his interests later on in life and to be sure that whichever direction he will turn to, I will be watching this with interest too.

As part of my own development I often listen to podcasts and interviews on creativity, curiosity and calling in adult life and I like to link them to how I see childhood. Over these very first years of my son’s life I have formulated a very firm conviction that at the moment, at the very moment of being and becoming, curiosity is his only calling.

I owe it to his future to respect this.

Check the podcasts that inspired me to write the post above: http://robbell.com/portfolio/robcast/

Parenting with (Self)Care: Guides and Links To Resources on Postnatal Health, Wellbeing and Nutrition

Nutrition and postnatal health are the topics that I have, over the last two years, become very interested in. In nutrition because I want my husband and son to be healthy; in postnatal health because I want to be able to enjoy these challenging early years of motherhood. I’ve been reading a lot around those subjects but also attending meetings and events in my town that addressed those topics. I am one of these people that need to be reminded and frequently directed on to the right path if I want good habits to settle in.

Here’s a list of resources that helped me…

The essential guide to foods that heal, Olivier, Suzannah [ISBN: 978-0716023272]. It is actually unbelievable how many ailments can be healed or exacerbated by the food that we eat. This guide is clear, well-written and packed with information. It’s a spring of knowledge that is really worth drinking from.

The 10 Secrets of 100% healthy people, Holford, Patrick [ISBN: 978-0749929114]. Don’t be dissuaded by the strange formulaic title. This book to me seems like a good piece of research, with surveys for you to fill in to provide health signposts. This book has helped me identify what I should focus on in my recovery. It’s not strictly about postnatal health and has wider relevance. I like this book and would easily spend a week reading it again.

Postnatal depletion even 10 years later. This is a title of an article that I have found online (Click on the title to be redirected to the site). It really explains clearly how depleted women can be in the first years of mothering. It’s a very informative and essential read.

Other sources to keep an eye on:

Mothermorphosis – The author, Dr Oscar Serrallach, who writes about postnatal depletion is about to publish a book on the subject. I have looked at its brief and have put my email on the list to be informed of its release.

Nutrition and Wellbeing – Have you heard about FutureLearn? It’s a platform that offers free courses online prepared by British universities. I have just signed up to a course on Nutrition and Wellbeing that will start running in Aug 17. The course promises to “Demystify the complex and conflicting messages we hear about diet, health and lifestyle today” and is run by University of Aberdeen. Here’s the link to the course.

The resources above provided practical knowledge to me and were great change triggers. If you decided to look at any of them or to participate in the course, I hope that you’ll find all the info that you need to increase the quality of your family life.

Developing Good Communication Habits with Toddlers: Book Recommendation

If you are a parent and you’re interested in your child’s language development, you might have heard of Kimberly Scanlon. She is a speech therapist who throughout her work developed a strong expertise in building up children’s communication skills.

In the book that I am recommending she offers 25 play routines (with toys and arts and crafts) in which she describes the activity and suggests appropriate strategies that the parents can use to elicit responses and expand vocabulary. She also offers tips on What to Do if the Toddler Is Not Imitating You and The Do Not List. I also found the Introduction and How to Use This Book sections extremely valuable as they were both informative and reassuring.

Our son is being brought up with three languages and I am his primary source of Polish language, my husband is his primary source of Italian, and English is the language of the community. At the moment all three languages develop at the same pace but slower than the language development in his monolingual peers. Thus, by monolingual standards, he experiences a language delay. I’ve been looking for a book that would improve my ability to stimulate my child’s language development, but also for a text that I could recommend to my child’s nursery. Although this book is not about how to talk to multilingual children, I like its focus on simplicity, language-wise and play-wise. I like its very practical and realistic tone too. It definitely sets the expectations right and makes you question less and communicate better.
Scanlon, K. (2012) My Toddler Talks: Strategies and Activities to Promote Your Child’s Language Development. Createspace, North Charleston, SC.

This is not a sponsored post. Just a recommendation.

Where to find information on how to play with a toddler?

Bringing up a toddler means many things, but when it comes to good playtime it primarily means embracing movement. Toddlers love to move, they have the energy and need for action. Frequent runs around the park and playground are one way of exhausting their energy (and they are certainly effective) but it’s helpful to bring variety to our routines and have a set of activities for our toddlers to do at home and outside.

I was looking for a book that would give me ideas on how to play with my two-year-old and would help me with activities for a group of small children. My son is our first child and sometimes we haven’t been very successful at choosing games and entertainments that he would have enjoyed. Once I felt really out of depth while running a community event for toddlers in my neighbourhood. It’s not as easy to get them organised and interested as some may think.

When I found 101 Ways to Play With a 2-year-old I was really really happy and astonished at how easy play with toddlers can and should be. The book offers what it promises in its title (101 activities). Each activity is presented on a separate page and is beautifully illustrated with a drawing that make you immediately imagine yourself and the toddler at play. They are also marked with a difficulty level so you may want to start with the very easy ones and try other ones later as you child progresses towards being a three-year-old. But in all honesty, I wish I had this book even before my toddler was two as really some of these games are fabulous to try even before they pass their second birthday.

Another very strong side of the book is that it doesn’t demand any additional toy purchases or having fancy things around. Everything that is used in the book for good playtime you probably have already at home (a piece of string, shoes, crayons) or you will be able to find in your local park (stones, leaves). I read the book when I have a free minute here and there and I look for opportunities to use the ideas as our week unfolds. It’s all really nice and simple. This morning, for example, while waiting for our eggs to boil, we were making different shapes and patterns out of a piece of string, naming them and having fun together. An easy and lovely distraction prior to the meal.

Title: Angevin, D.; Jackle, A., Langowski, M., Lucky, B., and Torrent, B. (2014) 101 Ways to Play with a 2-year-old. New York: Nanook Books.

This is not a sponsored post. I am just sharing experiences and information.

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