Category: Life Can Get Hard

Busy calendars are not so bad really

IMG_9533sunpencils

 

A lot is happening in our family life recently – so much so that I find myself having to sit at the table more often than usually in order to plan. And this planning is no longer only for a week or two and no longer for work only – I am trying to organise our next three months. A few travels before us, some family events, some house maintenance to do, deadlines to meet, projects to complete, routines to carry out and ideas to capture. So I am sitting in front of our calendar today and am making lists of all those things to do and the things to remember about and I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by our commitments. But I am hopeful and positive as most of the things and events are of positive nature and I think that ultimately it will give us a lot of joy to attend to them.

So many of the events and commitments in our lives are of such character… they are supposed to enrich and fulfil us in some manner… bring us joy, pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, dignity… there’s always a bigger and brighter purpose behind things… behind things even as ordinary as ironing… because it’s not about the chore really… but about carrying your human self with dignity, respect and grace… Isn’t it?

And so I’m thinking today that I don’t want to complain about too many things to do anymore… because actually there is something bigger than me and bigger than my tired body and busy mind behind most of them… there are family ties behind them, there’s health and well-being of my husband and son, there is a community of determined and caring people, and there is love and knowledge and growth of me and many. There is a strong purpose behind most things in my calendar and I am very happy that I can make these plans and hopefully carry them out in the coming months.

Calendars are those funny things that are not really what they appear to be… they make a pretense of being packed with duties but in fact they chock-full of strong and serious meanings…

No wonder we like to fill them up so much…

Against all odds

Walk in snow

I used to bend my time. I was able to dedicate extra hours, days, weekends to various projects and ambitions and I was good at it. I was good at being dedicated, going the extra mile and generating motivation to do things. When you have love for learning, motivation is easy. It is just there. And you draw from it. Happily. Freely. Endlessly. So you think. Until you become a parent. When a child appears in your life, you realise that there is very little time to bend… no time to waste… hardly any time to flex. It is the time when despite having loads of motivation to engage with things, you realise that motivation on its own will not take you far. That you need a change…in attitude…in lifestyle… in your entire life approach maybe too… you just need to change… change.

Last year I embarked on a very important professional long-term project. This project is now calling for my attention, wants my commitment and wants the hours to be put in. This is not going to happen in the evening when my son falls asleep…It wants more of my time and so it seems to me that it’s only the early start that can do it…. the two hours before the baby wakes up… and I need to do it as otherwise I’ll fail… and everything that I’ve been working for over the last six years will be lost… and simply I cannot allow this to happen. I never needed as much discipline in my life as I need now… I never needed as much planning and I never needed to be so organised… and my dear friends this is painful because I’ve been always valuing freedom and flexibility and space… and now I need to change… and put some limits and barriers on that space and time that I possess as otherwise I would need to give up what I started… give up something very precious… an opportunity to grow… and that’s just not in my character.

So I’ve got a challenge before me that requires discipline and strong will… will that I need to develop and the discipline that I need to master. They will allow me to confront the challenge and find solutions to my busy days. I am starting from a new position… from a position that is still new, continuously changing and always demanding… that of a very tired but filled with love mum. It’s difficult, it’s exhausting sometimes but I believe that what I’m doing will lead to growth. Of myself, of my family and of others. And that’s what matters, doesn’t it? That we grow. Spiritually. Mentally. Intellectually. Truly. Grow.

“A characteristic of human nature – perhaps the one that makes us most human – is our capacity to do the unnatural, to transcend and hence transform our own nature.” M. Scott Peck

Thank you Mary Slow for your inspiring words. You motivated me to write this post. Check out Mary Slow’s wonderful and thought-provoking blog.