I am here

contemplation

Although I do enjoy spending time online, when I spend far too much time it makes me feel numb. I don’t know what it is, maybe information overload, but there is something desensitizing about the Internet. Of course there are texts, articles and talks that enrich, entertain or provoke us in some manner, where their content stays and grows with us for weeks. However, while reading them it’s really easy to click on those other links that just take up time. I notice that the more I stay online, the more my body and my spirit suffers and I suspect that it’s partially because of this ‘extra’ time of mine that I allow the Internet to rob me of… the time that makes me more detached than it makes me feel connected.

Someone told me once that a good start for regaining balance is to say to yourself ‘I am here’. I am here [breathe]. I am here [look around]. I am here [notice how you feel]. I am here [notice your body]. I am here… Who am I? Where am I going? What have I stopped doing? What am I looking for?

‘I am here’ is for many a start of a prayer or meditation. It allows us to take stock of our physical and metaphysical reality. It brings us back to our homes and personal realities that the Internet so eagerly detaches us from.

I am here, writing these words for you while I contemplate the future of this blog, of its value to you, to me and to my family. Part of me feels that the “I am” in “I am here” wouldn’t be me without writing and photographing… but I also wonder who I would be or become if the time that I spend on writing and documenting life would be spent on other things? I guess that my house would be cleaner… or maybe it wouldn’t.

What do we truly want from our lives?

What do we truly want from our lives

I took a break from writing this blog to fill myself up with good experiences and as I was resting, exploring and nourishing myself and my body I’ve realised how depleting our current lifestyles are – those ways of life that we choose to live in our Western society: choosing walls instead of being outdoors, choosing screens instead of faces, choosing plasticated and pre-prepared food instead of a wholesome self-made dinner, choosing an additional cup of coffee instead of additional two hours of sleep, choosing to race through days instead of experiencing them… The body registers those choices and so no wonder it relentlessly directs us towards other ones through aches, pains, and tiredness – the signals that we should be thankful for as they remove the guilt for wanting to rest, for wanting to go against the mad and pushy current of modern life, for wanting to opt out.

Having a break is a good thing, taking the time to look after ourselves, our health and our family’s health is a good thing. It reminds us what a good life tastes of, how meaningful our interactions and relationships with people are, how our family life should look like, how our spiritual life should be. We begin to recognize again which truth comes from within us and not from adverts or some silly peer pressures. It has got this power to free us from dubious and shallow chatter that we, willingly or not, witness, hear or participate in, from those conversations that take our attention away from what we really love, from what we really believe in, from what we really want to do and what we really want to be like.

I think we really and truly want to be good people. But maybe sometimes we forget that this is the ultimate aim of our existence here, maybe sometimes we are told that there are other things that we should be fighting for and we allow ourselves to be persuaded by this stupid, manipulative and limiting narrative which tries to convince us that no one cares anymore and that the way to go is not to care, which, of course, is a total nonsense. So many people care! So many people give! So many people love! So many people share! So many people give their best out of them! So many people forgive!

I took a break from the fishy narratives and I’ve braced myself with goodness, with wholesome treats of my mum’s thinking and cooking, with refreshing fruit of my dad’s orchard and the calming vastness of the meadows and fields in my Polish village.

It’s been a month of detox for me, detox from false believes that as an individual I cannot make a difference, that I don’t have enough to make a difference, that I don’t have the ability to do it or that the world will go its own way even if I try to go the opposite direction. The world is not a hostile place that mysteriously turns its back on us just because we try, the world responds to our attempts, watches them carefully. It just needs time to be persuaded. The difficulty with doing what you believe in is in that the world, general public or even our friends, are often not persuaded by the process, but by a result. The process takes time and without support it’s difficult to have the endurance, strength and resources to complete the work. There are now so many people that are ‘in that process’ of making the world a better place, of making sure that we live in a cleaner, safer, and more equal planet – we should support them with our time, money or at least a good word. It takes time to create something good, something of value. It’s the process that needs our cheering and patience. The result will speak for itself.

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