Never worry alone

on-ice

 

Apparently one of the reasons why smart people underperform is because they worry alone or they worry with the wrong people. So this coming year I’d like to suggest that instead of making a resolution list (or alongside it) we create a list of things that we really need some or a lot of help with, and commit ourselves to force, yes, force ourselves to actively ask for that help.

Over the last few months I have matured enough to understand that there are times in life when we need to look for help, and have the courage to request it. We have to be adult enough to do it, and be prepared to pay for it too in money and/or ego, but really we must learn to ask for help. It’s part of life, part of being a human being. Requesting help has nothing to do with laziness, but it has a lot to do with good judgment, with having a good understanding of where we are and what our circumstances, capabilities, limits and stumbling blocks are.

The language of requesting for help is a new sort of language for me, but this year I’ve been humbly learning to start using it. It’s liberating not having to worry all alone. Try it.

In the New Year, let’s have the courage to ask for help.

 

 

Happy to live with ghosts

typing colourIn the corner of my mum’s attic there is an old sewing machine which is waiting to be transported to our house. It belonged to my grandmother and I can easily recall its clicking sound and the image of my grandmother’s hands bowed over it with a piece of navy blue fabric that she would use to sew a dress for one of her many granddaughters. I know that soon this sewing machine will take a prominent place in our house; somewhere between my desk for reading and writing and next to this vintage typewriter that once sat in a little closet in my husband’s childhood home, to remind me of all the things that my now deceased grandmother exemplified: discipline, work, beauty.

With the Internet being full of different approaches to decorating houses, I have been for a while thinking if I have one. I have been drawn very much to the ideas encapsulated in the Japanese ancient philosophy of Wabi-Sabi, so beautifully pictured and described here and here by my two favourite bloggers. You will learn from these posts that Wabi-Sabi is about seeing beauty in imperfections, appreciation of the ordinary, and although I feel a strong affinity for it I know that it is not me entirely. It definitely speaks to my imagination, helps me forgive myself for not being perfect, and agrees with my non-consumerist approach to the many of life matters… but I mainly draw courage from our family histories… to answer my curiosity and calling just as the people before me had the courage to do it.

Our house stores a few objects that once functional are now primarily memories of our ancestors, of people who at some time were present in our lives. We are now left with pictures, photographs, books, an old butler (the piece of furniture, not the man servant). I think that we keep those things because what we value is continuity and we appreciate what has been attempted by them. Those objects represent their dreams, their aspirations and their qualities. Sources of strength. I am delighted to live with ghosts like these.

Sometimes I think that we fall into the trap of believing that we live in the golden age and that previous thinking, products, or actions somehow did not exist in the past or were totally inferior to the present. Can we really be so smug, but at the same time so insecure, about our contemporary skills and successes? I feel that the things that we choose to surround ourselves with have the capacity to both ease our insecurity and give us the perspective that a) we are part of a story that is longer than our lifespans and b) that our lives will also become part of someone else’s history.

Isn’t it a reason good enough to live a courageous and fulfilling life abundant with gratitude?

typing